Forgotten Past
by GoldenEyesMidnightTears
Summary: Even though Yuki still hasn't told Shuichi he loves him, he still decides to take Shu on a date to the beach. Things go really wrong when someone unexpected arrives. PLEASE PAY NO HEED TWO THE FIRST TO CHAPTERS. MY FIRST STORY SO GO EASY. THANX.
1. No Celebration

Title: The past Returns

Chapter one: Beach

Shuichi was just getting finished at work and was getting ready to leave.

"Where are you going?" Hiro asked him. I'm going home to see my Yuki! He said excitedly.

" Well aren't you going to celebrate with us?" We did just finish our second album.

"I'd love to but Yuki said he has a surprise for me when I get home."

Hiro smiled understandingly.

"Ok then Shuichi." "We'll just celebrate some other time then.


	2. The Surprise

**Title: The past Returns**

**Chapter one**: Beach

Author note: I just wanted to apologize for the shortness of this chapter. I'm working on it in school so I'm really busy and somehow I accidentally duplicated the first chapter. Well I made some changes, I hope it's better now. I'll try to make better chapters in the future so keep reviewing and enjoy

Shuichi was just getting finished at work and was getting ready to leave.

"Where are you going?" Hiro asked him. I'm going home to see my Yuki! He said excitedly.

" Well aren't you going to celebrate with us?" We did just finish our second album.

"I'd love to but Yuki said he has a surprise for me when I get home."

Hiro smiled understandingly.

"Ok then Shuichi." "We'll just celebrate some other time then. Shuichi burst through the door into his beloved Yuki's apartment. Right away he could hear the keys of Yuki's prized keyboard clacking away. Shuichi knew what usually happened if he interrupted Yuki while he was working on a novel but he wasn't going to let Yuki forget about the surprise.

"Yuki!" He yelled in a voice full of spark and energy. He slid right through the closed door and didn't care that his nose was bleeding from it. "How do you plan on fixing that you damn brat!" Said Yuki obviously sounding annoyed. Oh Yuki Yuki! Said Shuichi excitedly jumping on his lap. "I couldn't help myself, I'm just so excited!" "What's the surprise huh?" "Where is it?" Shuichi began to search Yuki's pockets and under the chair he sat on.

"Come on Yuki tell me!" "I don't have it." Said Yuki. "What?" Asked Shuichi disappointed. "But you said..."

"I know what I said you damn brat." "We are going to the beach." "What!?" "Are you serious!?" "Today!?" "Really!?" "Really Yuki!?" "Would I lie?" Shuichi stopped to think about that. "No way!" "You wouldn't." "Shutup." Said Yuki pulling him into a kiss. "Your giving me a headache. He muttered into Shuichi's parted lips." "Now hurry up and get ready before I change my mind."


	3. Yuki Cries

Chapter 3

Author note: I have this odd fascination for gravitation. That's why I decided to do a story like this. I thought to myself what would happen to the relationship between them if he arrived. The one person who has the capability to destroy the relationship by destroying Yuki's heart. Where does Shuichi stand now? Who is this mysterious visitor? As you can probably tell, I am new at this story uploading stuff but I think I am getting the hang of it now. On with the story.

"Yuki!" Come in the water it's great. Yuki looked up from the novel he was reading. He was sitting beneath an umbrella wearing swimming trunks. Yuki smirked when he saw the water glistening off of his Shu-chan's body.

"You should really come and let me put some more sun screen on you first." "Awww, but Yuki, I hate sun screen." "Do you really want a sunburn?"

Shuichi got out of the water pouting. But as soon as Yuki's gentle hands started smoothing out the lotion on his back Shuichi was regretting the fact that he had even argued about it.

"Yuki, how long are we staying?" "As long as you want Shu-Chan." "Really?" Shuichi asked.

"Really." Said Yuki.

"I'll join you in the water shortly." "I'm going to have a cigarette first."

"Ok." Said Shuichi. "You need to relax after all." "I understand." "I mean, you have been working very hard lately." "I'll be patient." Said Shuichi caressing Yuki's arm before he jumped up off his lap and ran for the water again.

I love you Shuichi. But why can't I say it? Yuki thought to himself.

Yuki lit up a cigarette.

Look at him. He seems so pure and innocent. He's smiling. I really love his smile.

However, my cold demeanor makes it so that I don't see his smile often. I really need to change my attitude but if I do, I'm afraid to lose him.

I can tell that he thinks my cold exterior is cool, maybe that is the only reason he likes me.

If he could hear me thinking like this, he would be jumping all over me and telling me not to think things like that and that he loves me no matter what.

I couldn't stand to lose somebody like that.

Yuki came out of his thoughts to see that Shuichi was no longer in the water.

He looked around. He began to panic.

Yuki jumped up and ran down to the water. Shuichi was nowhere to be seen.

Yuki quickly jumped into the water.

Shu-Chan! Where are you Shu Chan!? Yuki swam underwater for as long as he could and then resurfaced.

"Oh my god Shu-Chan." "Where on earth are you?"

Then something happened. Something that doesn't usually happen with Yuki.

He started to cry. Tears began to flow fast like rain upon his face as he thought that he might never see his beloved again. The one and only person he cared about.

"Yukiii!" Came a yell from shore.

"Why didn't you wait for me!?"

Yuki turned toward the horrid yet most beautiful sound he could ever hear.

"Shu-Chan." He said in relief.

Yuki made it back to shore and ran up to Shuichi who had chocolate ice cream around his mouth.

"Yuki?" "Were you crying?"

"Of course I was idiot." Said Yuki pulling him into a tight hug.

"Don't you ever scare me like that again."

"I'm sorry Yuki."

I didn't want to bother you because you looked like you were deep in thought but I really wanted ice cream."

"I got you some to." "But I ate it, sorry."

"I don't care, I'm just glad you ok."

Shuichi melted into his arms as Yuki planted kisses all over his face and forehead.

Shuichi smiled as he thought of how much his Yuki must care for him.

Shuichi closed his eyes and lay his head against his beloved's chest. When all of a sudden Yuki's grip on him tightened. His body grew tense and Shuichi could feel the fear tearing it's way through Yuki's every vein.

"Yuki, your hurting me."

"What's wrong Yuki?"

Yukis suddenly let go of Shuichi.

Shuichi fell in almost slow motion to the side while Yuki's eyes stayed glued on the man who was watching them from a nearby tree.

Shuichi looked toward the mysterious man.

He had seen the man before but where?

All Shuichi knew was, he did not like him and neither did Yuki.

Shuichi was prepared to protect his beloved Yuki from this man no matter what.


	4. The Power of Love

Chapter 4 The power of Love

The man who was standing perfectly still except for the occasional movement while dagging a drag off hi cigarette sized the two men up. Shuichi stood up and leaned on Yuki's arm.

"Who is that, Yuki? "Why aren't you saying anything."

Yuki suddenly reached up to his forehead as searing pain soared through his temples.

Yuki fell to the ground yelling in pain.

"Y...Yuki!" Shuichi yelled kneeling beside him. "But the only time your head hurts is when..."

Shuichi looked toward the man who finally spoke.

"Long time no see Eiri." "No!" Yelled Yuki. "Go away!" "Your not here!"

"What?" "You thought you could just bury me and that would be that?"

"Didn't Tohma tell you?"

Yuki let go of his head when the pain subsided. He looked toward the man who was now walking toward them clenching his teeth.

" Now, now." Replied the man toward Yuki's fierce expression.

"I didn't do anything to deserve that look." "Wasn't it you who tried to kill me?"

"Do you remember that Eiri?" "That time in New York?"

"Why you must." He said stopping in front of Yuki. "It only seems like yesterday to me."

"What are you talking about?" Shuichi suddenly asked.

"Leave Yuki alone!"

"Yuki huh?". "That's rich." "Why would anyone call this man Yuki."

"He is trying to cover up the hurt with a simple insignificant name."

"Poor kid." "In the end he couldn't escape his forgotten past."

"Shutup." Said Yuki. "The only thing that can explain you being here is the fact that I am totally insane."

Suddenly a horrified expression washed over Shuichi's face. His featured turned a pale yellow and he felt as if his heart was being ripped apart.

"You..."Said Shuichi. "You're the one that..."

"Yes." "I am Yuki Kitazawa."

Eiri's face was stricken with fear now as he sat on his knees infront of the man he thought was dead.

"Are you surprised Yuki?"

"We have much to discuss and as you can tell, I am really here." "Your not crazy."

"So... how about inviting me to your home so we can catch up?"

"N..no." Said Shuichi. "There's nothing left to talk about." "Can't you see that Yuki is terrified right now?" "How can you expect him to have any sort of decent conversation in this state?"

"You ask too many questions boy." Said Kitazawa.

"If it is too much trouble to deal with today, I'll swing by tomorrow."

Kitazawa reached into his pocket and pulled out a notepad and pen. "Just write the address here and you will see me very soon."

Shuichi reached out and took the notepad. "I..I don't understand." Said Shuichi overcoming most of his fear.

"This does not concern you." Said Kitazawa angrily this time. "Just write the address and I'll be on my way and you can enjoy the rest of your day at the beach."

Shuichi scribbled out the address as best he could with his shaky hands and handed the notepad to Kitazawa who was being ever so patient.

Kitazawa smiled. "See that wasn't so bad." "I'll be seeing you." He said patting Shuichi's head.

Shuichi turned his head toward his beauty. But Yuki was anything but beautiful right now. He was scared. He was confused.

"Yuki." Said Shuichi brushing his lovers arm. "Let's just go home."

"No." Said Yuki suddenly smiling. "Let's enjoy the rest of the day."

"I may be confused but tomorrow should clear things up."

Yuki stood up and took Shuichi's hand.

"How about we go for a dip huh?" Shuichi blushed knowing what was coming.

As they walked toward the water Shuichi admired how fast Yuki had jumped back from his shock. Shuichi smiled and looked up toward his lover.

"The power of love beats anything doesn't it?" Shuichi asked under his breath.


	5. Expected Arrival

Author note: I would really like to express my gratitude toward Shining Nova who has reviewed me and given me excellent advice. I will try to follow through on that advice. Please let me know if there are places where I can improve after applying Shining Nova's ideas to my story. Credit goes to Shining Nova.

Chapter 5

Shuichi lay in bed tossing and turning. He could tell Yuki wasn't doing any better off. The only thought on their minds was the fact that Kitazawa would be arriving sometime the next day. Shuichi stopped and stared at the ceiling.

"It's no use Yuki, I just can't sleep."

Shuichi felt the movement of the bed as Yuki rolled over toward him. "I know, me neither." He replied. Yuki pulled him into an embrace. Shuichi's hair brushed Yuki's nose as he held him close. The smell of strawberries wafted throughout his nostrils.

"Yuki...I..."

Shuichi felt Yuki's body tense up.

"I know you don't like talking about it but we have to." "You know that right?"

The only reply was a grunt from Yuki.

"I don't really understand it myself." Said Yuki after a long uncomfortable pause.

"I thought I had killed him." "In fact, I was so sure."

"I know that is something you didn't really want to do Yuki."

"I know you used to have feelings for him to without even saying it."

"I could tell by the way you stared at his photograph all the time." "The same one that sits in your coat pocket constantly."

"I've seen you many times trying to bury it."

"Maybe you thought by burying it you would be burying your past to but you know that isn't so."

"My point is... are things going to change between us?" "Is Kitazawa angry or... is he just trying to be close to you again?"

"The fact that he has spent searching for you all this time tells me he cares for you a lot." "Either that, or he is really ticked off."

"Shutup." Yuki replied.

"Don't you realize that all you do is babble? "It is really annoying."

Yuki reached over Shuichi and rolled him over to face him.

He kissed Shuichi's nose. "I care about you Shuichi."

"Even if my forgotten past is coming back, I wont let it change anything between us."

Yuki and Shuichi lay in each others arms not daring to fall asleep. The silence of the room covered them in a thick blanket. The only noise to be heard was the ticking of the kitchen clock and each other's long deep breaths.

The next morning Yuki threw a pillow at Shuichi's head to wake him up.

"Get up!" Yuki yelled.

Every morning it was the same thing. Time and time again Yuki would throw things at Shuichi, tickle him, yell at him, kick the bed but would unsuccessfully wake him up. Yuki would travel to the kitchen and start the coffee and that is when tired Shuichi would normally slide into the room in his usual hyper and energetic mood.

Yuki stood there at the coffee pot. He had too much on his mind to try to make coffee yet he seemed to stare right through it. Through the coffee pot and into the dream he had last night. The dream that tore his heart in two. The one that would surely destroy everything he holds dear if it were to ever come true. Shuichi slowly slid into the room behind him.

"I'm so tired Yuki."

"I only got to sleep 5 hours ago."

"Quit complaining you damn brat, I'm running on one hour."

"To top it all off I was having a bad dr..." Yuki stopped in mid sentence.

He didn't want to worry Shuichi anymore by telling him he had recurring nightmares.

"Never mind that."

"How are you getting to work today Shu?"

"I'm not going." Said Shuichi.

"I'm too tired and besides...you need me here."

"What about that friend of yours, Hiro?" Yuki asked.

"Just never mind him." Said Shuichi.

"We need to be thinking about the situation at hand."

"Forget about Kitazawa for a moment."

"We should be thinking about Touma."

Yuki turned around to face Shuichi.

"Why do you suppose, Touma didn't say anything Yuki?"

Yuki lit a cigarette causing a long silence to cause an uncomfortable silence between them. Time seemed to stop in this moment as both men sat and contemplated about the situation. Even Shuichi wasn't shifting around like usual.

"It is because of his love for me."

Yuki said this so suddenly it caused Shuichi to jump from his almost trance like state.

"I understand now."

"Touma knew this whole time, but he didn't want Kitazawa in my life anymore so he let me believe that he was dead."

"But, doesn't he realize how long that has torn you up inside?"

All of a sudden the doorbell rang.

"Could it be...?" Shuichi asked.

"No, it's Touma."Said Yuki.

Yuki opened the door and Touma stood there looking as worried as ever.

Touma instantly pulled Yuki into a hug.

"I'm so sorry, forgive me Eiri."

"I couldn't bring myself to tell you and so...I managed to only put you in pain."

"All these years, I knew."

"Enough." Said Yuki.

"What is it that he wants from me?"

Touma let go of Eiri.

"Actually, I don't."

"I'm worried Eiri."

"Maybe, I should use my resources to leave Japan and never come back."

"No, this is my problem, I'll handle it."

"I'm not so sure he'd be happy if you were here when he shows up."

"You should leave and take this bundle of joy with you."

He said pointing toward Shuichi who was sitting at the table.

**An hour later **

Yuki stood at the window looking out at the cars passing by but not . The look in his eyes suggested that he was blind. It was almost as if a voice inside him was speaking to him. He became lost in his own consciousness oblivious to the black car that sat in front of his apartment and oblivious to the evil glare given to him by the man in the front seat.

**NG Studios**

Hiro sat beside the depressed Shuichi who was huddled into a fetal position on a bench in the lobby of NG studios.

"What are you doing here?" Hiro asked.

"You look awful."

He said wrapping his arm around Shuichi's shoulder.

"Yeah." Replied Shuichi.

"Hiro, I really didn't want to come into work today."

"Yuki needs me at home right now."

"But I'm afraid our relationship isn't going to last."

"His past is bothering him more than ever right now, and there isn't a thing I can do about it."

"So, what good am I?"

"Geez." Said Hiro.

"It's the same thing everytime."

"You get all worked up about him and nothing ever happens."

"I'm willing to bet that whatever is going on, will not effect your relationship as long as you are by his side."

"So cut the crap." "Go home Shuichi.'

"But what about Bad Luck?"

"Don't worry about that, I'll get Ryuichi to fill in for you for now."

"Thanks Hiro."

Shuichi smiled and jumped off the bench.

Yuuuukiiiii! That was the last thing he yelled before he crashed through the doors and was gone.

Hiro only stood their smiling with his hand resting on his hip.


	6. Disappearance

Author note: For Pikeebo. You mentioned how Yuki should be angry but this is something that happened to him when he was just a child. So right now he is facing his inner child and reliving the moment that changed him forever. Thanks for the review, hopefully that cleared it up for you.

Chapter 6: Disappearance

The couch in the apartment was overturned and the room was silent. Yuki was backed against the overturned couch with Kitazawa kneeling over top of him. "If your going to kill me, do it." Said Yuki.

There was no fear in Yuki's eyes anymore because deep down in his heart, this is what he expected and sort of hoped for. "I can't stand this suffering you left me with Kitazawa." Kitazawa stared into Yuki's submisive, golden eyes with fierce intensity.

"For years, I have waited for this moment." Said Kitazawa. Kitazawa grabbed the waist of Yuki's jeans. "If you didn't shoot me, I could have had my way with you a long time ago."

"Yuki lit a cigarette. "I don't care, I deserve what I get." Kitazawa growled angrily. "Why are you making this so lame?" "You must be hiding your fear right now."

Kiiazawa searched Yuki's eyes. He didn't know exactly what he was looking for. Maybe a sign of fear or just something to show that Yuki was uncomfortable with the situation at hand. There was nothing. There was no emotion in his eyes at all. Kitazawa suddenly grabbed Yuki's hair and yanked on it, keeping the golden locks clenched in his fist. This made the cigarette fall from Yuki's mouth and land on the floor. Yuki made a small groan of pain. "Is Shuichi not this rough with you?"

"I don't believe he is." Yuki replied. "Oh, so your still ok to make jokes." Said Kitazawa.

"How is this for a joke." "Eiri Uesugi tried to shoot me down."

"When he thought I was dead, he took my name and fled to Japan."

"Now, even his lover calls him Yuki."

"That is sick." Said Kitazawa.

"I wouldn't have had to shoot you if you hadn't tried to rape me." Said Yuki.

"You loved me!" Yelled Kitazawa. "I could see it in your eyes."

Yuki suddenly looked away. "Did I hit a soft spot Yuki?" He asked in a teasing manner.

Kitazawa suddenly took Yuki's lips into his.

After a long fury driven kiss Kitazawa reared back.

"What is it with you?" "Your different."

"You have no warmth within your heart anymore." "Your eyes are like staring into frozen golden ponds.

All of a sudden Kitazawa's expression lightened. It looked as if something had dawned on him. Yuki studied his expression with anticipation.

"You broke my heart Eiri." "For that, you will have to pay."

"You will return to New York with me." "You will submit to my every wish and desire."

"I will make you mine."

"Kiss my ass." Said Yuki, taking the time to pick up the burnt out cigarette butt that was on the floor.

He got up and walked over to the table and put the butt in the ashtray.

"You don't get it." Said Kitazawa. "You don't have a choice in the matter."

"Don't forget the fact that you can't protect your Shu-Chan forever and remember, you wouldn't dare harm me." "You have already made that mistake once."

Yuki clenched his teeth in anger.

"Why would you threaten Shuichi?"

Kitazawa smiled a most evil smile. "Because I know now, that he is your weakest point.

Yuki suddenly looked hurt. His expression grew grave and he fell silent. His posture turned to that of a slumped depressed figure. "I'll go." He said. "You have to promise me, that you wont harm Shuichi."

"Of course." "We'll be gone before he returns home."

Shuichi burst into the apartment. He was bright and cheerful for the first time in a while. He was beaming like a child on Christmas has he removed his shoes. Then suddenly, he noticed the overhanging of dark shadows and silence. Even the sound of the kitchen clock ticking seemed dull.

"Yuki?" Shuichi asked. "Maybe he's asleep." "I shouldn't jump to conclusions."

Shuichi ran down the hall toward the bedroom.

Shuichi heard voices from the bedroom.

"They must be in there." Thought Shuichi aloud.

Shuichi made sure to make plenty of noise before entering the bedroom so that they knew he was coming. Disappointment settled in when he realized it was only the television.

A look of fear washed over Shuichi's face. "He never leaves without leaving me a note."

Shuichi ran for the phone and phoned the first person he could think of.

"Touma!" Shuichi yelled when Touma answered the phone.

"Touma!" "Touma!" "Touma!" "He's gone Touma!"

"Calm down Shuichi." Said Touma.

"What's the matter?" Touma asked calmly.

"Yuki is gone." Said Shuichi. Tears burst forth from Shuichi's eyes.

He could almost see the expression on Touma's face. He knew he was scared and that scared Shuichi even more.

"Ok, relax." Said Touma in a shaky voice.

"I'll have my sources check the city, and if I hear of anything, I'll let you know."

After the short conversation Shuichi hung up the phone. His hands were shaking and he could tell that Touma's voice had cracked over the phone. Usually, Touma wouldn't allow himself to let his guard down. He had let his guard down and showed a side separate from his usual composed form.

Shuichi walked into the entrance of the living room and leaned against the side of the opening. He stared intently at the couch where the blanket was messily strewn across the cushions. The same blanket that he and Yuki would cuddle up in. The blanket they had shared so many intimate moments. The blanket

"Before we went to the beach..."

"Yuki, always acted so cold toward me."

"Now, he just up and disappears."

"I remember when I would catch him looking at a picture of that man, Kitazawa."

"He would look as if he was lost in the darkness of his mind, oblivious to reality and seeping through twisted, knarled fingers only to drown in his own despair."

"That is when I seriously wanted to help him."

Shuichi suddenly punched the side of the entrance into the living room.

"Yuki, where are you?"

**Nearing New York**

Yuki stared out the window from the black car that was transporting him to his prison. A place secluded far from his beloved Shu.

"I love watching you when your deep in thought." Said Kitazawa.

"It remind me of when you were younger."

"However, your eyes have grown so much more beautiful and have aged appropriately to complement your beautiful form."

Yuki growled and turned to face him.

"I hate you Kitazawa."

"I showed you love and yet you had payed a gang of hoodlums in New York to have their way with me."

"Of course, I regret shooting that gun and I am glad your alive, but the only thing you have ever done is try to hurt me."

"I even took your name so I could remember you every time someone called me Yuki."

"What more, could you possibly want from me?"

"You really piss me off!"

"I love it when your angry." Said Kitazawa.

"It makes me desire you even more."

"I want to make you my lover, and that is what I intend to do, no matter what."

Kitazawa stopped the car infront of the pheonix Hotel in New York.

"This is where we will be staying." Said Kitazawa.

"For a while at least."

Kitazawa turned to Yuki and smiled.

"You say you have suffered."

"You don't know what suffering is, not yet anyways."

"But you will Eiri, you will."

Yuki only glared at him angrily, but under the surface of his anger raged a storm of fear, untouched and waiting to escape.

**At the Apartment**

Shuichi slowly made his way over to the couch.

He picked up the blanket and held it in his arms like a baby and smelled it.

"It still smells like you Yuki."

"Yuki, where are you?"

**NG studios**

Touma listened to the constant ringing on the phone. There was no answer and he tried time and time again to get a hold of Shuichi.

"Shuichi, why on earth aren't you answering?" Touma asked himself.

K, the gun wielding maniac stood at the far side of the room near the door, with his one leg up and his foot resting against the wall.

Touma hung up the phone and looked toward K who removed his sunglasses as Touma was about to speak.

"Find Hiro and tell him to get to Yuki's place immediately because Shuichi isn't answering the phone.

"Right.' Said K pushing himself off the wall. He walked out of the large office, leaving Touma to indulge in his thoguhts.


	7. Under Lock And Key

Author note: I would like to say that some way or another all of the characters of gravitation have to be introduced into this story somehow because it just wouldn't be the same without them. This chapter will be a tribute to Shu Chan's most trusted and best friend Hiro. Enjoy!

Chapter 7: Under Lock And Key

Hiro got off his bike outside the apartment complexes. He turned the ignition off and looked up toward the balcony that led inside Yuki's apartment. Usually, the television would be reflecting it's glow against the outer walls but, tonight it was completely dark and almost eery. Dark shadows danced along the walls as Hiro made his way to the door. He hesitated and then rang the door bell.

"No response. I guess that means I will be climbing my way up to the balcony."

Hiro fell into a sweating, heap of a mess when he finished climbing. He struggled to catch his breath as he leaned against the outer railing of the balcony for support. He suddenly pulled himself together, when he saw a glimpse of Shuichi's hair sticking out from under the huge lump of a blanket on the couch in the living room. Hiro stood up and opened the balcony door and entering the dank, dark living room. A chill made it's way up Hiro's spine making him shiver. It's not that it was cold exactly, rather the fact that it was not like Shuichi to be living in the dark, even if he was sleeping. He usually slept with the television on, at least. Hiro hesitated and took a step closer to the bundle on the couch.

"Is that you, Yuki?" The bundle suddenly asked. This caused Hiro to jump, but just as quickly, he regained his composure.

"No, it's Hiro." Hiro replied.

"If you're not my Yuki, then go away."

Hiro smiled sympathetically and moved closer to the couch. He kneeled down next to Shuichi and gently stroked Shuichi's hair.

"Shuichi, you need to come back to us. Touma has found your precious Yuki, so come back ok?"

**Enter Shuichi's mind**

Shuichi was standing in the very same park, in the very same spot, staring into the very same, cruel, golden eyes.

"Why, do you always look at me like that?" The owner of these cruel, golden eyes asked.

Yuki turned to walk away.

"No! Yuki stop!" Shuichi yelled out in panic.

Tears brimmed the edges of his eyes, making them red and puffy. Shuichi fell to his knees barely able to contain the sobs that wracked his body with shudders.

"Why, do you always insist on leaving me alone?"

Yuki stopped and turned to face Shuichi.

"I'm not going anywhere Shu, but you need to go back, do you understand me?"

"But what about you?"

Suddenly, Yuki disappeared. Not long after, the park also disappeared, leaving Shuichi yelling out the only thought in his mind.

"Yuuuuukkiiiiiii!"

**Back at the apartment**

Shuichi's eyes opened and he found himself in a firm embrace, laying in someone's lap, wrapped in the same blanket, which he and Yuki shared so many precious moments.

Shuichi smiled.

"Yuki." He said looking up.

His smile turned to disappointment when he realized it was only Hiro.

"So, you're back." Hiro said smiling.

Shuichi sat up in Hiro's lap.

"I think, I just about hit my breaking point."

"I'd say you did." Hiro replied still smiling.

"Hey! Then, why are you smiling about it?"

"Well, I have some good news for you, that's why."

"Start packing your things, Toma has located Yuki in New York. Apparently, he checked into the Pheonix Hotel 2 hours ago."

Shuichi's face brightened like clouds separating on a cloudy day, revealing the sun. Hearts beamed in his wide eyes.

"Now, we can go find Yuki. Yes! Yes! Yes!"

Shuichi jumped around excitedly, leaving Hiro sitting dumb struck on the floor.

"I'll have to find my plane ticket."

Suddenly, Shuichi stopped.

"Huh?" Hiro looked confused toward Shuichi who stood a few feet away from him. His shoulders were hunched and he was making whimpering noises.

"My plane ticket... Yuki was holding onto that for me."

"That's all? If you had of let me finished, we will be traveling with Touma by limo. He's concerned to, you know?"

Shuichi sighed, relieved.

"Thank god." Said Shuichi happily.

Suddenly a look of jealousy came over Hiro's face. Shuichi didn't see this as he was turned away from Hiro at the time, contemplating to himself about the things he should pack.

**At The Pheonix Hotel**

Yuki, lay on his bed with a cig in his mouth, staring at the ceiling above him. Thoughts of Shuichi were running through his mind.

"So, that's it huh? He's the one I love." Yuki said to himself.

Yuki let the back of his hand rest against his forehead as he went into flashback mode. The Bad Luck song Anti Nostalgic played through his mind as he had memories of his Shu.

The day Shu first moved in, the way Shuichi pushed his way into the apartment. Yuki smiled.

Their date to the amusement park where they spent the day mixing it up, licking, and banging.

Then their date to the beach, excluding the part where Kitazawa came in.

Suddenly the door opened interrupting his thoughts. Yuki sat up and put his cig out in the ashtray that was sitting on the end table next to him. Kitazawa closed the door behind him. His face was expressionless as he leaned against the door. He was in nothing but a towel and beads of water zigzagged down his body. He didn't look at Yuki, instead, he looked off toward the wall behind him.

"Yuki, I've been thinking about things. I'm so glad you're here. I know you don't want to be, and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry that I have to make you suffer. It's only fair, you know."

Yuki lit up another cigarette and listened intently.

"For so many damn years, I've waited. I want to tell you about that day."

"No, shut up!" Yuki yelled angrily.

"I'm telling you."Said Kitazawa persistently.

"I really was in love with you, you know that? I couldn't bring myself to tell you, because, you were so young at the time and it may have sounded odd to you."

"So, you resorted to rape?" Yuki asked.

"No! It wasn't like that, not at all. This gang of hoodlums were in cahoots with my mother. They noticed how you were part American and that you didn't have Japanese eyes. My mother was sick because of the long years she had spent drinking. They promised me, a better life for her if I did what they said. They were going to take you away, somewhere better, so I expressed my love for you the best way I could. I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry. They gave me money to keep my mouth shut but... You shot all of us. They died and you and that Touma bastard left me for dead. How can you expect me to be ok, after something like that?"

Yuki grunted in an annoyed manner.

"Take me somewhere better huh? You were going to let them rape me. Your insane Kitazawa."

Suddenly Kitazawa smiled. This wasn't a happy smile. It was a smile of insanity and complete lunacy.

"I love you Yuki, yet I hate you at the same time. I will make you suffer for what you put me through. I am going to keep you here. I am going to keep you under lock and key, far away from your beloved Shuichi. He will not interfere in our affairs."

Yuki glared at him.

"You will also give up being a novelist. You are going to live with me in New York, you are going to be my lover."

Kitazawa pushed himself off the door and walked toward Yuki. He sat on the end of the bed next to Yuki's legs.

"I am going to make sure that you forget all about him. I'll help you to forget."

Kitazawa dropped the towel that was wrapped around him. He sat completely exposed infront of Yuki. Yuki lit another cig. It seemed that this was all he could do when he didn't know of anything else to do.

"It told, that you could make me suffer because I believe I deserve it. I deserve it for what I did to you Kitazawa, however, I will never cheat on my Shu."

Kitazawa suddenly looked angry. His lips rose in an angry snarl. His eyes glazed over with pure hatred. He hurled himself on top of Yuki. Yuki's cigarette dropped to the sheets, which Yuki snuffed out with his elbow. Yuki struggled to get the man off of him but his efforts were in vain. Kitazawa forced his tongue into Yuki's mouth and began ripping at Yuki's shirt. Yuki growled at the pain from Kitazawa leaving claw marks on his now bare chest. Kitazawa ripped the rest of the shirt off of him. Yuki had no idea that Kitazawa was so strong but Yuki also knew that a part of him was holding back from pushing this man off of him.

"Get off, you bastard!" Yuki yelled.

Kitazawa broke from the kiss and began working at Yuki's belt, ignoring Yuki's vulgar words. Yuki stopped struggling and layed back. His eyes glazed over with that same blind look that suggested he wasn't there. Kitazawa stopped when he realized Yuki's reaction. He then noticed the bloody scratches he had left on Yuki's bare chest.

"Y..yuki? "I...I'm sorry, did I hurt you? I'm sorry...I'm sorry ok?"

Kitazawa pulled Yuki into a hug and layed Yuki's head on his shoulder. Yuki didn't have a chance to see the tears that were now streaming down Kitazawa's face and landing on Yuki's right shoulder.

"I'm sorry Yuki. It was just like last time...wasn't it?"

**At the Apartment**

"Shuichiiii!" Hiro yelled into the closed bedroom door.

"Are you done packing yet? Touma is parked outside."

Shuichi opened the door from the inside and he stood there with a giant suitcase.

"Yeah, I'm done."

"Do you need help with that?"

Hiro picked up the suitcase and Shuichi followed close behind. When they made it to the door the phone rang.

"Uh, hold on. I'll meet you outside," Shuichi said.

Shuichi ran to the phone and picked it up.

"Yes?"

Shuichi's heart stopped and his eyes flew open to the voice that was on the other line. Time seemed to hold still. The ticking of the kitchen clock seemed to grow softer as the sound of his heart beat got louder and faster. Shuichi took a deep breath as a bead of sweat ran across his brow.

"Don't come to New York."

Suddenly the other line went dead, leaving Shuichi completely baffled.

"Don't go to New York? Well, why not?"

Shuichi hung up the phone in silence and fell to his knees.

"Yuki, just what is going on here?"


	8. Checking In

Author note: To all my readers, I would just like to say that when I write stories, I always try to incorporate some sort of twist, whether it is small or big. In this case, the twist is going to be huge. I don't know whether or not it will be in this chapter, but the ending of my story may come as a surprise.

Chapter 8: Checking In

**Pheonix Hotel**

Yuki was sitting up on his bed, silently smoking his cigarette, while Kitazawa sat on a chair against the wall near the head of the bed. Yuki's feet hung off the side of the bed, as he was turned, facing Kitazawa, who had his hands clasped in his lap, staring intently at Yuki.

"I'm sorry," said Kitazawa.

Yuki, didn't reply. He had too many thoughts racing through his mind.

"You told Shuichi, not to come looking for you right?

"Yeah," Yuki replied, after taking a long drag off of his cigarette.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what has gotten into me. The last thing I want to do, is put you through that again." "I don't want to put you in anymore pain."

"Kitazawa, you have been lying through your teeth to me. I still don't understand why you did what you did to me. I know that whole spew about those men you hired being in cahoots with your mother wasn't true. There was something...something else. Why, can't I remember?"

"I'm sorry, Eiri. I don't know what else to tell you."

"You know why that is? Because, you don't even know why you did it, do you? You say it was for love? I say bullshit," Oddly, Yuki was quite calm while speaking. There was even a hint of gentleness in his voice.

Kitazawa smiled.

You may be right, however, I will not let go of the past. What happened that night, in that dank, damp run down apartment, will be forever burned in my memory. It will be an everlasting scar. But that is why you are here... You are going to help me recover."

**The Apartment**

Shuichi made his way slowly to the parked limo outside. He leaned into the passenger window.

"Are you ready to go?" Touma asked.

The back door flung open and Hiro leaned out.

"Yeah, it took you long enough."

"Guys, it was Yuki."

"Huh?" Hiro and Touma said at the same time.

"The call was from Yuki, he doesn't want us to go looking for him in New York."

Touma smiled.

"Is that all? I actually thought something was wrong. This gives us even more reason to go, does it not Mr. Shindou?"

Shuichi smiled.

"Yeah...yeah it does."

Shuichi climbed into the back next to Hiro and closed the door.

"K! Suguru! You guys are coming to!?" He asked excitedly, when he noticed the two of them sitting on the other side of Hiro.

"I don't have any choice," Said Suguru miserably. Shuichi noticed the gun K had and realized that there was no way Suguru was getting out of that one."

"If one member of the band goes somewhere, we all go somewhere," K said, sunlight glinting off his dark shades.

Shuichi forced an uncomfortable laugh.

"Ah, lighten up Suguru, it wont be too bad."

"Wasn't it you, who always said you wanted to surpass Ryuichi Sakuma? Or was I imagining it? It doesn't look like your trying all that hard to make Bad Luck work. But then again, when it comes to Yuki no one and nothing else matters."

"That's not true," Said Shuichi in an upset tone.

Touma rolled down the window that separated the back of the limo from the front.

"Is everyone ready to go?"

Without waiting for an answer Touma pulled out.

"Now, when we get to New York, I have a client who will take my car and leave it at his garage. I also have a client who will be working at the desk, who will get us checked in to the hotel."

"Touma, you have clients in America to. Your even bigger than I thought... I just thought of something... I'm not good at understanding American."

"You don't need to worry about that, because you only need to understand us, and Yuki. It wont be a problem understanding Kitazawa because he speaks Japanese to."

Shuichi suddenly looked curious.

"Touma, why is it that you never told Yuki that Kitazawa was really alive? I mean, didn't it tear you up when Yuki was going through so much pain?"

Suguru and K looked toward Touma with peaked curiosity.

"Shuichi..."Said Hiro putting his hand on his shoulder.

"It's alright Hiro. Like I said before Shuichi, I blame you for Yuki's pain. I tried to keep you both apart, but you both insisted on being together. There was no need for me to tell him that the man who had him raped was still living."

Shuichi bit his bottom lip in frusteration and hurt.

The limo became uncomfortably silent.

**Pheonix Hotel**

Kitazawa got up from the chair and sat next to Yuki on the bed. He leaned his head against Yuki's shoulder.

"What's going on in that pretty little head of yours?"

Yuki was once again sucked into another time. A time where his thoughts were at war.

"Eiri, why can't you love me like you love him? Is it that hard to let go? I love you Eiri."

"Why, don't you just shut up already?"

Kitazawa looked up angrily.

"I'm not Shuichi, who the hell said you can talk to me like... Kitazawa stopped short when he realized that Yuki was coughing up blood.

"I'm sorry...sorry," said Yuki.

"Yuki, what's wrong?"

Kitazawa grabbed Yuki's cigarette from his hand and put it out in the ashtray and then grabbed the phone on the end table.

"Yes, I need an ambulance at the Pheonix Hotel right away, thankyou."

**Limo**

" We are nearing the Pheonix hotel now," said Touma. I'll just make a call to my client at the desk to make sure Kitazawa isn't in the lobby."

Shuichi's smile was brighter and bigger than ever.

"We are finally going to get Yuki back. I'll kick that Kitazawa's ass, if he has harmed a hair on my Yuki's head."

Everyone just smiled at his determination.

"Yes, hello. We are just pulling up front now. Yes. Ok. Great," Said Touma with a smile.

Touma hung up.

"The lobby is completely clear."

Touma pulled up in front of the hotel. They all got out of the limo. Touma greeted a man with a smile and handshake but what he was saying was inaudible to everyone else.

Hiro placed a hand on Shuichi's shoulder.

"Are you getting cold feet?"

"Of course not! I'm getting Yuki back no matter what!"

"That's good. K and Suguru have already went in. Shall we?"

Shuichi nodded.

"I'll join you." Said Touma meeting them at the door of the hotel with a huge grin.

"Touma, you must have been really worried about Yuki," said Shuichi.

Touma's face went grave.

"To be honest, I still am. Kitazawa can be a very dangerous man."

"Don't worry, Yuki can hold his own in a fight," Said Shuichi. But deep down Shuichi was frightened. He was afraid that Yuki had already been hurt...or worse.

When they entered the hotel the three of them stopped when they noticed that K and Suguru were sitting in the chairs that were lined up against the left wall of the lobby. The man at the desk motioned for Touma to go over to the counter.

"I'll be right back," Touma said.

Shuichi and Hiro stared after him curiously. Suguru and K joined them.

"The man at the desk said..." Suguru stopped in mid sentence when K placed his hand on his shoulder.

"What? What did he say?" Shuichi asked, now a little more than worried.

Touma returned with a horrific expression on his face.

"Touma, what's wrong?" Hiro asked.

"It seems, about 2 hours ago, Yuki was taken to the hospital."

"The hospital!? I have to go see him!" Shuichi yelled in panic as he started to race for the door.

Hiro grabbed the collar of his shirt to stop him.

"Did you forget that Kitazawa is with him. You can't just go barging in to the hospital in a frenzy like this. You may end up doing more damage to Yuki than good."

"Hiro! What am I suppose to do!? The man I love is in the hospital. What if that bastard hurt him?"

"Calm down. There is nothing we can do right now. Let's just wait in our rooms for a while. In an hour, if there is still no word about Yuki, I will take you to the hospital, but only you and you must make sure to control yourself."

Shuichi sighed. It took all the strength in his body to keep himself from flying through a wall or breaking something.

**The Hospital**

Yuki was laying barely conscious in the hospital bed while Kitazawa sat next to him in a chair. Kitazawa gripped his pant legs with his hands so hard that his knuckles were going white. He hesitated before he reached up and took Yuki's hand. Yuki pulled his hand away quickly.

"Don't touch me," He said cooly.

This doesn't happen often but it is natural. I've been sick for a while now.

"Sick? What's wrong? What do you have?"

"It's just from stress. I've had it ever since that night. It is because there is something deep within my memories that I just cannot reach. The missing piece of my past. The one thing that can explain everything that happened that night."

"Why do you have to know? Why is it so important to you?"

Yuki paused for a while before speaking.

"Because, you were the one special person in my life. Then you had to do what you did. You took their money and let them have me. I'm not going to ask you why, because it is clear that you have no recollection of why you would let such a horrific thing happen to me. Maybe, I really don't have to know but... it is important to me to fill this empty space in my heart.

Kitazawa looked concerned.

"I have something to tell you about myself. I really don't think it was me that did that to you. It was but it wasn't. Does that make any sense to you?"

"I just can't talk about it anymore, my head is splitting," Yuki replied.

"Then just rest...just rest Eiri," Kitazawa said.


	9. A Close Call

Chapter 9: A Close Call

Shuichi and Hiro sat in the small diner, located off the side of the lobby in the hotel. K and Suguru went off somewhere, shortly after checking into the hotel. Touma was still chatting away with the man at the desk. There were two pot sticker plates sitting in front of them. Hiro studied Shuichi who had been down ever since he found out Yuki was in the hospital. He hadn't touched his food at all, instead he fumbled with his room key.

"Shuichi, you really need to eat."

"Huh? Oh...yeah. I'm really not that hungry. Why should I eat, when the one I love is suffering so much and I can't be there for him?"

"That's no reason to make yourself sick. You need to be strong for him."

"How long has it been now, Hiro?"

"About 45 minutes."

"I can't wait any longer!"

Shuichi jumped up and smashed the table with his fist.

"Hiro, you told me you would take me, if we haven't heard anything in an hour right? I think it has been long enough."

Hiro shook his head no.

"Wait a little bit longer Shuichi. Who knows what that man would do, if he found out we were here."

"Who cares!? I certainly don't! If we all went together, we could take him."

"Shuichi, please sit down. Have you ever considered Yuki's feelings about this situation? That's right, you haven't, because, that is the type of person you are."

Shuichi simply dropped back into his chair.

"I really want to know how he's feeling, but how could I possibly know if I can't even see him?"

Hiro stood up, reached over the table and took Shuichi's head upon his chest.

"I know this is hurting you. I know... but..."

Hiro's cell phone suddenly rang. Hiro released Shuichi and pulled his cell from his pcket.

"Oh, it's Ayaka. Please excuse me, I have to take this."

Hiro left Shuichi to sit in the diner alone.

"I wonder how Ayaka will react when she hears the news," Shuichi wondered aloud.

Shuichi got off his chair and walked out into the lobby. K and Suguru were still nowhere in sight. Touma was still in conversation mode with the man at the desk, and Hiro was talking to Ayaka.

He could hear bits of their conversation.

"Ayaka, please calm down. Mr. Yuki will be alright."

A slight pause.

" I know I can't promise that but... yeah, I'll keep you posted."

Shuichi turned, and walked toward the desk where Touma was talking.

"Excuse me," Shuichi said.

Touma turned to face him.

"Well, hello there," He said with a smile.

Shuichi looked down in defeat.

The man at the desk looked at him with sympathy.

Toma placed a hand on his shoulder.

"I have some good news. Mr. Kazuki here, just told me that Mr. Kitazawa always comes back in about ten minutes from now if he has been out, so he can rest up."

Shuichi looked at him, completely missing the point.

"So..."

"So, we can all take a trip to see Yuki in ten minutes."

"How can you be sure he'll even be back in ten minutes?"

**15 minutes later**

Hiro, Touma, and Shuichi were all huddled together in the back of a taxi headed for the hospital.

"Touma, you were right. This is just awesome. It feels like it's been so long since I've seen him."

Touma hid the jealousy that was now building up inside him.

"I'd say, you are very lucky Shuichi."

Touma smiled.

The car pulled up in front of the hospital and Toma payed the driver. When the car had left Touma turned to Shuichi.

"We'll leave you be, to visit Yuki on your own. We'll meet you in there later ok?"

Shuichi smiled.

"Thank you, thank you for everything Touma."

Shuichi slowly opened the door into Yuki's room. He knew Kitazawa wasn't in there because Kitazawa had returned to the hotel for his usual nap, but he still took his precautions. Shuichi sighed in relief. He closed the door behind him and made his way to the chair at the bedside. Instead of sitting down, he stood in front of the chair and studied his beloved Yuki's face. He reached out and let Yuki's golden locks slide through his fingers.

"Yuki, what happened to you? You cough up blood again? If so, why aren't you waking up?" The doctors said you had been unconscious, ever since you arrived here. Was it him?"

Shuichi took Yuki's hand and held it against his cheek.

"I love you. I know I've told you this a million times before but... I love you so very much.? You look so very peaceful. Are you dreaming? I wish I knew what it is, you are dreaming about."

Yuki, I remember when we first met in the park. I knew then, that it was you I loved. I just had to reach deep into my heart and discover those feelings."

Shuichi laughed.

"I know, that sounds lame, doesn't it?"

"Yuki please wake up soon."

Shuichi soon woke up to the door opening. He hadn't even realized he had fallen asleep. He suddenly felt paranoid. He was afraid that he may have slept too long and Kitazawa may have returned. Not being able to take the long silence anymore Shuichi jumped up and spun around to face the visitor. Shuichi suddenly felt relieved when he saw that it was only Hiro and Toma.

"Sorry, we entered so quietly, we didn't want to disturb your nap," Hiro said.

"You could give a guy a little warning," Shuichi said.

"So, your paranoid, huh?" said Touma.

Touma suddenly walked past Shuichi and joined Yuki. Touma sat beside him and with his gloved hands he pulled Yuki's body into an embrace.

Heat suddenly traveled up Shuichi's neck and flushed his face. He couldn't tell if he was angry or if he just felt sympathy for the pour man who had married Mika, just so he could try to establish a relationship with her brother Yuki. The attempt to do this however, was in vain. This wasn't because of Shuichi, because Touma was trying to get in a relationship with Yuki long before Shuichi showed up. It was because Yuki's past haunted him to the point where he couldn't love Touma back. Shuichi still couldn't understand why Yuki loved him, because it was clear that Yuki's past still haunted him and it was even worse now that Kitazawa was back in the picture. Shuichi figured, it was because his lyrics had really touched Yuki's heart that night in the park. Shuichi didn't agree with what Touma was doing but he was equally sure, that Mika knew all too well about Touma's love for Yuki. It was sad really, watching him hold Yuki like that. However, it sturred an anger inside Shuichi. He didn't even realize that he had been clenching his fists at his sides to the point that his knuckles were going white. Hiro stood behind Shuichi, feeling completely helpless and unsure of what to do. He had yet to understand why everyone loved this cold hearted man, especially his beloved Ayaka.

"Touma," Said Shuichi in a stern voice.

Touma seemed to jerk from a dream like state. He looked up from his embrace toward Shuichi and then down at the peaceful Yuki that lay in his arms. He rested Yuki's body on the bed again, then cleared his throat before getting to his feet. Shuichi felt embarassed. He couldn't even look Touma in the face for some reason.

"It seems, Yuki wasn't hurt physically by Kitazawa, rather, emotionally. Apparently, he was coughing up blood again and it put strain on his already weak heart," said Touma.

Still not looking at Touma.

"Is he going to be ok?" Shuichi asked.

"Only time will tell. They cannot increase his medical dosage, because it is already at it's maximum limit. We will just have to hope his heart will stabilize itself.

Shuichi walked toward the bed, still not looking at Touma. He brushed past him, almost coldly pushing him out of the way. He layed down beside Yuki and took his hand into his, while he stared up at the ceiling.

"It wasn't this serious last time. In fact, last time Yuki threatened to go to New York. That time, he really did."

Shuichi sighed.

"Yes, I heard the conversation between You, Yuki, and Mika. But this time when he wakes up, he can't run away again because we are already in New York. I've made up my mind. Kitazawa can threaten me, kill me...whatever... but I'm staying here, staying here with Yuki.

Hiro smiled.

"Then, I'm staying to."

"You two can't be serious. Fine, stay. I'll be returning to the hotel. K will be keeping tabs on the hotel, so if Kitazawa causes any trouble, K is nearby and he will help you out."

Touma was furious, but it didn't show in his voice or his facial expressions. He gave one last smile and turned for the door. He placed his hand on the door knob when suddenly a loud beeping noise filled the room. All of a sudden Shuichi dove for the bed where Yuki was struggling for his life. Hiro watched in horror. Touma turned from the door and also rushed for the bedside.

"Yuki!" Yelled Shuichi jumping on top of him so that he was kneeling over him.

3 doctors burst into the room.

"We have to get him stabilized! Can someone please remove that boy!?" Yelled the only female doctor who rushed in.

One of the male doctors grabbed Shuichi to pull him off Yuki, but he was holding onto the bed for dear life. Tears were streaming down his face. Finally Hiro helped the doctor pull Shuichi away. All Shuichi could hear was the loud beeping sound. Everything else seemed to be happening in slow motion. He could see everyone yelling, but he couldn't hear them. Shuichi slumped back into Hiro's lap in a corner of the room. He watched as the doctors surrounded Yuki and used the paddles to try to revive Yuki. Touma was pushed back against the left wall and he too watched in horror.

"Yuki!" Shuichi suddenly yelled out.

Shuichi tried to stand up but Hiro was holding him tight.

"H...Hiro! What are you doing!? Let me go!"

"You can't Shuichi. You have to let the doctors do their job."

"But... what about...what about Yuki?" He...he's dying!"

Shuichi continued to struggle, but Hiro wasn't giving in.

"Hiro! Please! I..."

All of a sudden the long constant beeping sound, slowed to a steady light beeping sound. Hiro released his grip on Shuichi in defeat with a long sigh.

"He's stabilized." Said the female doctor.

The two male doctors left the room while the female checked all of Yuki's vital signs, and then she too left the room.

Touma only stared in shock at Yuki. Shuichi was at the bedside in seconds with Hiro. Tears dripped from Shuichi's face and were clearly visible on the bed sheets.

"I...I was so scared. I thought we had lost him," Shuichi stammered.

"I believe, Kitazawa's unexpected arrival must be causing Yuki to be tormented by his past even more," Hiro said.

"Hiro, please believe me. I want to help him, I really do. But he has to...wake up."

Hiro gave Shuichi a weak smile.

"Shuichi, I know it. I know you want to help him. Please excuse me now, I need to go get a drink, would you like something?"

"Just water please."

"Sure."

With that, Hiro left the three of them in the room. Shuichi looked toward Touma, who was leaning against the left wall still. He was in awful shape. He still looked so scared and his stance was that of a cornered animal trying to escape the torments of humanity. Shuichi walked up to Touma and waved his hand in front of his face.

"Touma, snap out of it."

Touma suddenly came to and began gasping for air. Touma looked into Suichi's eyes, as Shuichi patted Touma's cheeks.

"Are you ok Touma?" Shuichi asked.

"Uh...Yeah," he said after a long breath.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

Shuichi returned to the bedside.

"That was a close call, wasn't it?"

"Too close. Can you excuse me a moment?" Touma asked.

"Sure." Shuichi said with a smile and a nod.

Shuichi was now alone with his beloved, yet he felt so utterly helpless because he was unable to talk to the one he loved. Shuichi sat beside Yuki on the bed.

"I wish you were awake, because I cannot wait any longer for this."

Shuichi leaned down to his sleeping lovers face and kissed him gently. The door opened, letting light into the room. Shuichi pulled back from the kiss and turned to the doorway. His facial expression suddenly turned to complete anger.

"This is all your fault isn't it?" Shuichi asked.


	10. Clean And Pure

**Author note: **I would like to thank Eveliina for being my top reviewer. I hope my story is good because it is only my first one. I am trying to improve, so thankyou for your support. Keep reading all readers and please enjoy, because an unimaginable twist is coming your way.

Chapter 10: Clean And Pure

Shuichi stared into the eyes of the man who towered over him. Shuichi was angry. Fear was no longer a part of him. The man was trying to stare daggars through him, but he could see that it wasn't working.

"Why, did you bring Yuki to New York Kitazawa?" Shuichi asked angrily.

Shuichi was standing next to Yuki's bed with Yuki's hand in his. He squeezed it in a protective manner.

"Why, I believe that is none of your business. What are you even doing here? Yuki told you not to come here."

"He probably knows that I wouldn't listen to him anyways," said Shuichi.

Kitazawa stepped to the side and sat in the chair by the bed. He let out a long sigh. Shuichi studied Yuki's sleeping face praying and hoping that he would wake up soon so they could get the hell back to Japan.

"So, why are you here Shuichi?"

Shuchi turned to face Kitazawa.

"Isn't it obvious? I'm taking Yuki home when he wakes up and is ready to leave the hospital.I'm sorry, but Yuki doesn't love you in return, despite how you may feel about him and that is your own fault. Yuki's heart remains broken ever since that incident... the one he hardly ever talks about. He has changed since then you know? He told me that."

"Hah! You truly are a fool. He still loves me. If he didn't then why has he been suffering for so long? It was guilt... yes guilt for killing the only person he cared about. Raping him had nothing to do with it. I mean, he was so young and he didn't know what sex was so... I showed him. Although, it didn't take too long because he shot me. He also shot my friends and killed them to."

"Your sick."

"Sick? That isn't sick. I was teaching him. I was teaching him what lovers do when they have feelings for one another. He got scared and pulled a gun from my friend's pocket and shot us all."

"You're a bad liar Kitazawa. That still doesn't explain why your friends gave you money for him to, you lying bastard. I should..."

"You should what? Kill me? What is it, that you should do? So what, if I don't tell the truth. Why is it that Yuki and you, just have to know why I did that? Shuichi just go home. It is Yuki's turn to suffer."

"No! Just what the hell is that supposed to mean anyways? You deserved all of the suffering you got, but you left Yuki a scar that will never heal."

"Enough with the stupid questions. I cannot understand what Yuki sees in you. You are a normal boy. There is nothing special about you."

"I want you to leave now. I want you to stay out of Yuki's life because I want him to suffer. I want him to suffer only in my arms."

Shuichi gritted his teeth in anger. He had no idea how to talk to this man. His personality seemed to change constantly. At one point he would be talking almost dreamily, or calm as some would say. The next thing you know he was angry and threatening.

"I wont,"Shuichi said finally.

This forced Kitazawa to stand up angrily, knocking the chair down. It had happened so fast that somehow he now had Shuichi cornered. Somehow Yuki's hand had slipped from his and now he seemed to be too far away from him.

"I don't like you Shuichi. You have been in my way for far too long. Maybe I should make you experience what he experienced in that abandoned apartment building. Yes... you are cute after all. I will make you enjoy having me inside you."

Fear struck Shuichi like a tidal wave. This sick twisted man who had him pinned against the wall intended to rape him right in the hospital, right in front of Yuki.

Kitazawa began to run his tongue down Shuichi's neck. He then smiled his mouth still near Shuichi's neck.

"I love having the power Shuichi. I am a dominant person and I wanted Yuki to know that. Now you to will know what it is like to run in to me. No man that confronts me, will escape my contorted fingers. I will ravish you all over Shuichi. I will leave you hurting and begging to die. I will leave you emotionally distraught. Because I have the power to do that. It is one of my traits. I am able to break people and cause them to be broken forever."

He suddenly nipped Shuichi's neck, making him cry out a little.

"You had better be a good boy for me. If your not Yuki may not make it this time."

Tears began traveling down Shuichi's face. He tried to control his fearful sobs. All of a sudden he saw movement from the bed behind Kitazawa. A ray of hope dawned on him. Shuichi smiled with hope that Yuki was waking up and that Yuki would save him from the horrible experience that he knew he would have to endure from this horrid man if Yuki wasn't waking up. Shuichi suddenly felt the urge to push the man off of him.

"Stop this, you bastard!"

Shuichi heaved with all his might and tried to push the man off but the man was too strong.

"You better be quiet Shuichi. It wont take too long."

Shuichi whimpered as Kitazawa went for Shuichi's neck again.

Shuichi began to pray in his mind. "Please Yuki. Please wake up and stop him. Somebody help me."

Shuichi woke up in the chair beside Yuki's bed. He looked around. Kitazawa was nowhere to be seen.

"Was it just a horrible dream?"

Shuichi was dismayed when he realized he was in pain. His arms and legs were bruised, but it had happened so fast.

"It wasn't a dream. How I wish it was."

Shuichi realized that his pants were soaked in stains from Kitazawa. Pain seared through his entire existence. Shuichi stood up from the chair, almost in a daze. His mind kept fading in and out as he staggered toward the bed. He slowly climbed in next to Yuki and snuggled up to his usual warm body, but somehow it was very cold. Shuichi pulled up the blanket so it covered the two of them. Shuichi sighed.

"Yuki, why didn't you wake up. Somehow, I get the feeling that you were trying to. I need you now more than ever. Most of all I want to take a shower but I don't want to have a shower alone. I need your help to be clean again. I'm...dirty."

Suddenly the door opened. Shuichi had his face beneath the covers. He pretended to be asleep so that Kitazawa may not bother him, not until he woke up again at least. Would Kitazawa do that again? Would Yuki hate him now?

"It looks like he has fallen asleep."

Shuichi immediately noticed that it was Hiro's voice. Hadn't Hiro only got a drink? What took him so long?

"Well, it's understandable. He has been dealing with a lot."

That was noticeably Touma's voice. Why was Touma here? Hiro and Touma must have went out for a bit but wasn't hiro supposed to get water? Shuichi didn't care anyhow. He was too humiliated to let them know he was awake. He also didn't know how he looked at the moment. They would probably notice right away that something was wrong. There was some movement, and he heard the chair drag across the floor.

_They're going to wait until I wake up._

"Something seems off," said Hiro.

"What?" Asked Touma.

"I don't know. Something just doesn't feel right. I mean, shouldn't Kitazawa be back by now? And what am I supposed to do with this?" He asked holding up the bottled water.

"He'll probably want that when he wakes up."

"Yeah, your right."

Hiro looked toward the two sleeping on the bed. A look of suspicion on his face. Touma was standing against the left wall. He began to shift nervously.

"What's wrong?" Hiro asked.

Touma looked at him with a questioning look.

"Do you think that maybe Kitazawa has been back?"

As if struck by lightning Hiro ran for the bed to check on Shuichi. He threw back the covers. Yuki didn't stir, however, Shuichi lay there with a frightened look.

"Shuichi," Hiro said.

"He hasn't been back," Shuichi said suddenly.

Shuichi had no idea what to say. His mind kept telling him to lie. It would cover up the humiliating shame he felt. The shame of being weak and vulnerable. It was way worse than the feeling he got when Aizawa from the band Ask had taken pictures of him being raped. Why was it worse though? Why did this seem worse on so many more levels?

_Am I ever going to be the same again?_

"Shuichi are you ok?"

"Yeah, I was just cold and felt like snuggling with Yuki."

Hiro, stared at him in disbelief. Shuichi forced a smile, that he was sure looked as fake as it felt.

He decided to change the subject.

"Did you bring my water? What took you so long anyways?"

Before he could anser Touma's cell phone suddenly rang. Shuichi and Hiro watched in anticipation as Touma answered the phone.

"Hello?"

...

"What do you mean? No, he isn't here."

...

"Are you absolutely positive?"

Touma shot a curious look at Shuichi.

"Everything seems fine," He said in an unusual tone.

"Alright, we'll leave as soon as possible."

Touma hung up the phone.

"I'm not going anywhere," said Shuichi.

"According to K, Kitazawa entered the hospital over an hour ago, do you know anything about that?"

Not knowing what to say, Shuichi hung his head.

"You do, don't you? Your acting really strange Shuichi,"said Hiro.

"No." I haven't seen him." His tone of voice was defeated and quiet, almost like a shy persons voice.

"Shuichi, why have you been crying?" Hiro asked.

There was a long silent pause as Shuichi tried to make up an excuse.

"I have just been worried about Yuki a lot."

Shuichi sighed and made for the door.

"I'm going to take a shower."

Shuichi didn't care if he was allowed to use the hospital bathrooms or not, he just wanted to get the grime from that man off of him. He wanted to scrub all remnants left on him clean away. Shuichi left Hiro and Touma with Yuki.

"Something seems different about Shuichi," said Hiro.

"I'm willing to bet that he had a confrontation with Kitazawa. If that is the case, where is he now?" Touma replied.

Shuichi found a small bathroom in a side hallway. He stepped inside and at his dismay, there was no shower. Shuichi noticed the sink and closed the door behind him.

_I guess the sink is better than nothing. I must be clean. I must be clean and pure for Yuki. _

Shuichi continued to run the exact thoughts through his mind as he turned the faucet completely over to hot.

_I must be clean. I must be clean and pure for Yuki._

Shuichi stripped from his clothes and held back tears that were fighting to escape. He was in much pain from Kitazawa's rough hands. Shuichi stuck his hands under the hot steamy water and cringed from the heat. His hands at already turned raw pink. He didn't care though.

_I must be clean. I must be clean and pure for Yuki._

Shuichi scrubbed his whole entire body, starting with his aching bottom. He then ran his face under the hot water, cringing as the hot water flowed over his eyes and mouth. Shuichi made a sobbing noise, but refused to cry anymore. He would not show his weakness anymore.

_I must be clean. I must be clean and pure for Yuki._


	11. Sleeping Beauty

**Chapter 11:**** Sleeping Beauty**

Shuichi was still in the hospital washroom. He was knelt on his knees with his right hand pressed against the door and his left and rested on the floor. His clothes were strewn across the floor as an attempt to quickly scrub away the dirtiness he felt. He was shaking, yet it wasn't because he had water running down his body and was cold and hadn't occurred to him to actually dry himself. He had additional bruises and red marks from the intensity of his scrubbing. His eyes were closed as he ran the moment that happened with Kitazawa through his mind for the hundredth time. He wasn't shaking because he was afraid. He was shaking because he felt weak and because a new feeling toward Kitazawa ransacked his emotions and he couldn't figure out what this new found feeling was.

Shuichi winced as he had reached the moment where their eyes had locked onto each other in a fierce glare. The moment before Kitazawa had begun removing Shuichi's clothes. Suddenly Shuichi's eyes shot open.

_What was that? There was soemthing... _

_What is this feeling? I don't..._

Old tears stung the back of his eyes. Tears that he refused to cry then, and tears he refused to cry now.

Shuichi pounded the door with his right hand in frusteration.

_Yuki, why didn't you wake up? _

_I just...wanted to protect you._

_Now I must be clean and pure for you. _

_Would you stop loving me?_

_Would you be so disgusted by me, that you would coldly push me away. _

_Would you cry for me, or would you cry because you would find me at fault?_

_Would you cry at all?_

Replaying the same part in his mind where their eyes had met, Shuichi vaguely remembered seeing something within them.

_Within his mysterious eyes..._

_What was that?_

Shuichi backtracked to that particular moment again.

_There..._

_There it is again..._

Suddenly, Shuichi's eyes sprang open. He put the finger of his right hand that was just resting on the door to his bottom lip in thought. A look of compassion washed over his face. It was like a new light had dawned on him. He had risen above many ordeals before, such as his photo shoot with Aizawa. The man who had hired 3 men to corner him and rape him, only to ruin Yuki's career as a romance novelist. (Poor Yuki, poor Shuichi).

He could certainly rise above this, and if Yuki really loved him, he wouldn't end up hating him for what had happened or the way Shuichi was feeling about Kitazawa right now. Shuichi smiled and stood up. It had been a while since he had actually smiled so it felt odd to him. He was sure that if he wasn't careful, his face would literally crack. Shuichi quickly grabbed his clothing from off the floor and threw them on, then proceeded to leave the bathroom.

**Yuki's Room**

Touma's cell phone rang.

Hiro watched as Touma crossed to the far side of the room to answer the phone.

_As if going all the way over there is going to keep me from hearing his conversation._

"Hello..."

"Is that so?"

"No, don't shoot..."

"No, I know you want to, but we aren't trying to kill him remember."

"If you do recall, you only brought them for self defense."

"What, he's running?"

"Why would he..."

All of a sudden three gunshots rang out in the air and the phone went dead. Because of the shots being so loud, and the accoustics of the room, Hiro heard everything.

"K!" Touma shouted into the phone that had already returned to the steady murmur of the dial tone.

"I'm gone!" Said Hiro suddenly.

Knowing where Hiro was headed, Touma took up the rear in pursuit of the gunshots that had sounded on the other end of the line.

They practically burst out of the room together, so there was a moment where they had bumped together in the doorway. Neither of the two paid any attention and continued to run. Innocent bystanders watched curiously as they scrambled through the hallway, all the time ignoring those who told them not to run in the hospital. When Yuki, was involved, it was easy for Touma to lose his self composure and become distraught.

Touma ran into the nearest elevator, as they were headed down two floors.

"I'm taking the stairs!" Yelled Hiro.

Touma gave a slight wave as the elevator doors closed and resumed it's descent.

Hiro continued running toward the staircase. He was running down the stairs so fast that, it felt like his feet had barely touched more than 3 stairs. He came out at the bottom skidding to a halt and gasping for breath. Just then the elevator opened.

Touma stood there with his hands clasped behind his back and a serious look on his face. He looked very professional, considering the moment at hand. They both gave each other a sexy, serious nod and ran for the main doors.

"No running in the hospital!" Cried the receptionist.

It was too late anyways. They had already reached their destination point.

They stood outside now, not surprised by the lack of vehicles and people. The gunshots probably made them panic and scatter, even if it was New York.

They could both see the shadow descending upon them from above. Both of them hesitated before looking up. Good thing they did, or they both would have had gun wielding K on their asses. They both quickly took a step to the side as K landed in front of them.

K held a semi automatic over his right shoulder, while his right hand rested on his hip. He wore dark shades that K is so famously known for wearing. He had a small smile plastered on his face.

"K, your alright," said Touma.

K laughed hysterically, while Hiro stared, completely bewildered and confused.

"Of course I'm ok. He made a run for it."

K pointed toward the alley next to the hospital.

"You shot the gun?" Touma asked, a hint of amusement playing at his voice but also a hint of "I told you not to," playing in his voice.

K laughed again, this time not as hysterically.

"Yeah, I felt like scaring the pants off him. I really wanted to shoot my guns. You know how I am."

K lowered his shades for a moment and winked and then replaced them on the bridge of his nose again.

"Heeeey!" Came a long drawn out yell from above.

They looked up to see a small silhouette of a figure waving from the top of a tall building. The onlooker was obviously Suguru.

"How did you..."

Hiro looked from the building and then to K and then back to the building. It was then that he noticed the long wire travelling from the top of the building and attached to a telephone pole below.

"Nevermind." He stated.

Touma sighed.

"I am going to have to make a phone call and make sure the authorities don't get involved with this little incident. They are probably on their way as we speak. Normally, they would have been here by now but, they probably hit a major roadblock from the people you forced all the way to other side of New York."

He glanced at K.

"Force nuthin. They could have stuck around."

Hiro cleared his throat, eyeing the gun that was held over K's right shoulder.

"Oh that? I wasn't gonna kill no one."

"They don't know that," Hiro stated.

All of a sudden a little bundle of fear came sliding down the wire. He was actually attached to the bottom of the wire, his legs and arms were crossed over the top and the expression on his face was priceless. Touma knew well, that Suguru had a hard time dealing with heights. Suguru came to a slow stop just before reaching the telephone pole. Suguru still clung to the wire, almost as if, for protection.

They all walked up to him, all trying to contain their laughter. K not doing so well let a small sound escape. It was a sound crossing between a loud snore and a burp.

Touma bent forward to look at Suguru. Fear was plastered to his face like a bloodsucking leach. His teeth were clenched and his eyes were still wide, as if he were still flying down the wire.

"You know, you can let go now," Touma said, a huge smirk crossing his face ear to ear.

Suguru got off the wire. No, more like just plopped onto the ground on his back.

"Why in hell did you leave me up there!" Suguru yelled jumping up as quickly as he had fallen off. He glared at K.

"Aw, relax, I was going to come back up there to get you," he said scratching the back of his head stifling his laughter.

Touma watched as he saw a glimmer of fascination and it almost looked like compassion had crossed his cousins face as well. But it was quickly covered up with a look of anger again.

"Fine, whatever."

Suguru suddenly turned and headed into the hospital.

**Yuki's room**

Shuichi was at Yuki's side again.

It had felt like ages since he had been in Yuki's room, since the incident. Shuichi didn't want to think about that though, he just wanted to continue to hold his beloved Yuki's hand.

"Yuki, please wake up. I just want you to wake up and hold me like you used to."

Shuichi held a small tight smile on his face. Watching Yuki sleep was always a treat because he didn't sleep often, not with all his deadlines.

_I wonder what his editor is thinking right now... about him not meeting his deadlines and all...and not to mention his various meetings and book signings._

_How long will it take for my sleeping beauty to awake?_

Suddenly Yuki's eyes twitched. Shuichi watched in anticipation.

_Is he finally...waking up?_

Yuki's eyes slowly opened. He could feel the sting of sunlight on his eyes and the feel of someone else's hand in his. He turned his head toward the person holding his hand.

"Y...Yuki," Shuichi breathed in relief.

"What are you doing here? I told you not to come."

Yuki's face still held the just waking up expression.

_He really is a sleeping beauty. His beauty is so captivating when he first wakes up._

"I...you...you knew perfectly well that I wouldn't listen because I'm like that."

A small smile found it's way to Yuki's radiant face.

Yuki sat up and quickly pulled Shuichi into his lap.

"Yuki, you should really just res..."

Whatever he was going to say was quickly erased from his mind when Yuki's lips met his. It had felt so long before they had actually kissed with such passion. Their tongues hungrily explored the inner walls of their mouths, picking up every taste, and every texture. The sensation truly brought them to life.

Yuki began to tug Shuichi's shirt up.

A high pitched wince escaped Shuichi's throat as he had already jumped to the end of the bed.

Shuichi didn't feel like being touched...not now and he definitely didn't want Yuki to see his bruises.

Yuki just sat there, his arm held out to Shuichi with a shocked expression on his face.

Shuichi kept his gaze locked on the sheets of the bed that were clenched in his fist.

_I'm so sorry Yuki. I wanted to, I really did but... I... I'm afraid, I understand so much more about him now, so until...I can't. I'm truly sorry._


	12. 3 Shots

**Author note: **Hi everybody. It has been a while since I have thanked my reviewers, so I believe I will at the end of this chapter. I also want to say thank you to everyone who put me on their favorites and alert list. You are awesome ppl!

I would also like to say that, and I know this may be upsetting, but my story is coming to an end soon, and it will be a while before I can start another because I am graduating this year and have just started working, so I will be really busy.

I will let you know when the final chapter is up so hang tight and thank you so much for sticking with me from the start, it has been great. I may perhaps continue my story if my readers would like me to, so in the end it may be all up to you.

I'm also a little sad because it looks like I wont be able to introduce all the characters like I wanted to...(I will...perhaps on requests). I'm starting to ramble, so how about we get on with the next chapter of Forgotten Past.

**Chapter 12: 3 shots**

The gang was now huddled in the hotel lobby once again. Touma was going to check them out and then they just had to await the arrival of his limo.

Shuichi was in his usual fetal position in one of the chairs lined up the left wall of the lobby when he was depressed.

_Either I made him real angry, or I hurt his feelings._

Hiro was standing roughly in the centre away from everyone talking on his cell phone, most likely to Ayaka. Shuichi's eyes scanned the lobby and stopped when he saw K and Suguru in the corner. A slight smile lifted the corners of Shuichi's mouth. Poor, tired Suguru was resting his sleeping head on K's shoulder, while K gazed almost lovingly upon the sleeping boys face. Shuichi decided he better look away before K noticed he was staring and decides to start shooting his gun madly.

_Is there really something between them? No way. Those two are like socks and sandals. They just don't mix._

All of a sudden Shuichi froze. He could feel someone approaching him and it felt hostile. Shuichi knew it was Yuki. He saw the shadow stop in front of him. He didn't dare look up.

"Hey! Are you going to explain to me what happened in the hospital room?" Yuki asked roughly.

Shuichi decided to cover up the fact that the reason he pulled away from Yuki was because he was scared.

Shuichi looked up with a playful smile on his face.

"Oh, you know...I just didn't want anyone to walk in on us. That would have been awkward huh?" Shuichi tapped his own head teasingly.

Yuki grunted. He had seen through Shuichi's bad acting.

_You'd think that he'd be a better actor because he sings and has a great stage presence, yet, he just sucks at lying._

"Whatever, I have to get a hold of Kitazawa and talk to him one last time before I go. I have a feeling he isn't going to let me get away without a fight."

"A fight? I don't want you fighting Yuki."

"Shutup, you are just annoying."

"I'm really beginning to think you should never have woke up," said Shuichi crossing his arms with a pout on his face."

Yuki grabbed his cell and dialed a number. Shuichi watched curiously.

"Yeah, it's me. We need to talk. Where do you want to meet?"

Shuichi watched as a distant look came into Yuki's eyes. He slowly lowered his cell phone to his side and his bottom lip quivered. Of course, the only one who would notice something as small as that would be Shuichi. He always made it a habit to study how Yuki moved when he walked, slept, bathed. He would watch right down to every muscle movement and body twitch. He automatically knew where this meeting place was.

"Yuki". Shuichi stood up.

Yuki's normal angry expression returned.

"Yuki, I'm going with you."

"No way. This time your listening and staying put."

Shuichi grabbed his sleeve and looked into his eyes seriously. I'm not going because I feel the need to protect you but there is something I must do.

Yuki stood there, blank for a few moments and then a small smile spread across his lips. He held out his hand.

"Let's go Shu."

Shuichi smiled and without hesitation, let Yuki take his hand and lead the way. Yuki guided him out the main doors.

"Yuki, I may end up doing something strange...or drastic.."

"Hmph, like you need to tell me."

"What's with the Hmph? I don't like it when you hmph at me. I was just letting you know."

The truth was, Yuki was really curious as to what was going on. He could sense that Shuichi had talked to Kitazawa while he was asleep and he could definately sense a change in his lover. Yuki watched over his shoulder at his younger lover who watched straight ahead. Yuki began to have thoughts about getting back to Japan. He could finally share a bed with him again and secretly listen to his music when he wasn't home.

_Ha ha ha, yeah, I really do like his lyrics, especially when he sings them, like I would ever tell him that though!_

He missed touching him and being near him. He missed the scent of his strawberry hair and he missed how Shuichi sung great in the shower and Yuki would stand outside the door listening. It was odd, but Shuichi never sang when Yuki joined him in the shower, instead he would lean against him like he was a lost child. He would expect Yuki to wash him and rock him back and forth.

_Is that love? _

Suddenly, Yuki was torn from his thoughts when he heard Shuichi laugh out.

"Huh?"

"I'm sorry, it's just you never expressed your feelings so openly in public before."

He nodded toward their hands.

Shuichi watched as a hot blush crept up Yuki's neck and exploded within his cheeks, however, he did not let go until they reached their destination point.

Shuichi and Yuki looked up at the old apartment buildings together and then they looked at one another. When Yuki saw the concerned expression on Shuichi's face, he smiled making it fade.

"I hope you realize, that I honestly had to come with you no matter what."

Yuki nodded.

Shuichi followed him through the abandoned apartment.

_This is where it happened. Poor Yuki. He must have been so alone, and so hurt._

Soon they came to a door. Yuki hesitated to open the door. Butterflies fluttered in Shu's stomach, because he knew what awaited them beyond the door.

Yuki opened the door and Kitazawa was there, sitting in an old ratty arm chair.

"Welcome Eiri... and boy," He said nodding his head toward Yuki and then Shuichi.

"Why did you bring him?"

"I didn't bring him. He decided to come on his own. He has something he would like to...well...I don't know exactly what it is but..."

Shuichi suddenly lunged past him and wrapped his arms around Kitazawa.

"I realize that you really do love him. I have seen it. I thought you were just looking for revenge, but you honestly want him to love you in return. But..." Tears trickled out of Shuichi's eyes and ran into Kitazawa's hair. "You can't have him. You have to understand that you destroyed any chances you ever had of being with him when you put him through all that shit."

A look of compassion washed over Shuichi's face and he pulled Kitazawa away from the hug to look into his eyes.

"I saw a mixture of fear and deceit in your eyes but it is time for you to remember the past that you have forgotten. You have rewritten the past, the way you think it happened."

Shuichi sighed.

Kitazawa looked surprised and didn't know what to say.

"Yuki didn't intentionally kill you. He was scared and hurt. He loved you so very much."

"What do you know about it?" Kitazawa asked suddenly shoving Shuichi away from him. Shuichi wasn't going to give up. The thing Kitazawa needed now was a friend.

Shuichi jumped back up and lunged onto Kitazawa again, this time pinning him to the floor in an embrace.

"I know, because he still has that photograph, the one that still consumes him every time he looks at it."

Kitazawa pushed Shuichi off more gently this time. Yuki stood a few paces away with a cigarette hanging from his mouth.

"Is this true Yuki?"

Yuki blew out his smoke and slowly nodded.

Suddenly, an evil smirk crossed Kitazawa's face.

"Does he know Shuichi? Does he know that we fucked right in his hospital room while he slept."

Yuki's cigarette suddenly dropped to the floor. He watched Shuichi with a shocked expression. Shuichi scrambled to get up off the floor, while Kitazawa sat there laughing.

"I guess he just couldn't contain himself any longer. You weren't there when he needed it, so I provided it for you."

"Th..that's not true," Shuichi said standing beside the sitting Kitazawa.

"Prove it," said Kitazawa.

"I...I can't," said Shuichi.

He knew very well that he could lift up his shirt and expose all of his bruises but he knew Yuki would go crazy and probably literally kill the man this time.

Yuki growled angry and kicked the closed door.

"Shuichi, is this why you have been acting so strangely?"

"There's just one thing I want to know."

Yuki spun around to face them and rested his angry, furious, piercing glare on Kitazawa.

"Was it willingly?"

Shuichi's shoulders shuddered as he began to sob. He couldn't let Yuki leave him thinking he had cheated on him. Shuichi sighed and lifted up his shirt.

Yuki's angry face suddenly turned to a look of sympathy.

"Oh Shu, why didn't you show me earlier, why did you wait?"

He rushed over to Shu and hugged him.

"I don't want you to hurt him," he whispered into Yuki's ear.

"It's already to late for him, there is nothing he can do, it's all over."

Shuichi felt Yuki nod against the side of his head.

"W...where are you going!? He just liked it a little rough that's all!"

The expression on his face was now complete fear. Complete fear of losing Yuki forever.

"Eiri, get back here or I will never forgive you."

Yuki and Shuichi were now walking down the street, holding each other close. Yuki stopped and turned Shuichi to face him.

"I have something I want to say to you. Shuichi, I..."

Yuki and Shuichi's lips met in the most passionate kiss by far. Tears rained down Shuichi's face.

"Are you ok?" Yuki asked, pulling away from the kiss.

"Why are you crying?"

"Because I'm happy, and because I want to make love to you so badly right now."

Yuki laughed and their lips met again. The kiss was so fierce this time that they both came out from it panting and gasping for air as if they had actually just made love through their mouths. Well, I guess they really did.

They stood there smiling at each other.

"Hey! Don't think you have gotten away from me!"

Yuki and Shuichi spun around and it looked as if Kitazawa had followed them. He carried a gun. "I have a bullet in here, especially for you Shuichi."

"He's insane!"

"Come Shu!" Yuki pulled on Yuki's hand and they began to run. The muscles in their legs burned, as did their lungs. Their legs pumped faster and faster as they tried to avoid him down alley ways and he had even followed them down into the sub way station. When they resurfaced they turned to look back. Kitazawa was closer than expected.

3 shots rang out through the air. Shuichi's facial expression turned from scared to sad all in an instant, and then he fell to the ground, as one tear travelled down his face. It was over.


	13. These Three Words

**Author note: **I have received some questions asking me if I will continue my story and if there will be more. This is hard to say. It really depends on how much my readers want the story to continue, because there may be people who think the story should end soon, especially if I want to incorporate the twist into the story (**which I can still probably do whether I continue the story or not...I may even put it in this chapter**) that I have been planning from the beginning. It is all up to you guys. You can pm me or leave a review stating whether or not you want the story to continue.

Thank you again all reviewers. I would thank you individually, but I just don't have the time. I want you to know that I love you all and admire your support. Thank you!

The chapters are going to be a little confusing from here on out because this is when my twist starts to take effect. **The first reviewer who figures it out gets a cookie!**

On with chapter 13 shall we...

**Chapter 13: These Three Words**

The three gunshots sounded within his mind again. For the millionth time in his life, he had watched his first lover crumble and die. But now it was over, it was finally over. He was finally ready to move on and say the three words that have loomed over him like a dark shadow following him and haunting him for all his days . These three words would seal his fate forever, and he believed he was ready. He was finally ready to say it.

Yuki opened his eyes. He had been standing here for a very long time. It had been so long, he couldn't remember if it had been hours, days, or months. The breeze lifted his hair gently and then let it settle back in place. The scent of flowers wafted past his nose with every passing breeze. Yuki let out a long sigh. Shuichi clung to his left arm and hadn't moved. He had stuck with Yuki through it all even though he had been starving and tired. He hadn't moved no matter what. The poor boy had fallen asleep standing up with his head rested on Yuki's arm. Yuki smiled.

Yuki had been holding a bundle of roses the entire time. He tried to steady himself so that when he bent over to place the roses over the grave, he wouldn't wake him, nor would he fall over. Yuki bent over slowly but it just didn't work. Shuichi's sleeping form slid off his arm but Yuki caught him in his arms. Shuichi's eyes opened slowly. Petals fell from the roses that Shuichi's head was now crushing.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing at all," Yuki said with a small smile.

"Your ok," Shuichi said happily.

Yuki helped Shuichi stand up. They turned to face the grave.

"Is it all over?" Shuichi asked.

Yuki pulled out the photograph from his pocket and used his lighter to burn it. It crumbled to ashes in his hand and scattered in the breeze.

Shuichi watched in awe and amazement. Never had Yuki been able to rid himself of the only bond that connected him to his past.

"I didn't know how long it would take you to face your past, but I stood here the entire time. You cried once." Shuichi smiled.

"I had never seen you cry before. That is when I knew that this was truly a major ordeal for you. So I held your hand... and stood here. We have been standing here since yesterday morning, did you know that?"

Yuki smiled and pulled Shuichi close to him. His chin rested on Shuichi's shoulder.

"Thank you so much. Thank you for being here for me. Shuichi I...I love you."

Shuichi's mouth dropped and he felt the bundle of roses that Yuki held slide from Yuki's arms and land on the grave. He had been dead for about eight years now. It had taken that long for Yuki to forgive himself and allow himself to move on. Shuichi was happy, that it was his own heart that had helped Yuki's heart to heal. Shuichi was so surprised that Yuki had said the three words that Shuichi has been waiting for, which seems almost like forever to hear.

"Now I can finally be at peace, and have closure with the fact that I killed Kitazawa so many years ago."

"Yuki..."

Shuichi paused and bit his bottom lip, afraid to ask the question.

Shuichi took a deep breath.

"Yuki, is your mind better, do you feel sick anymore?"

Yuki pulled Shuichi away from his body gently.

"I'm fine now Shu. You don't have to worry anymore."

"Does that mean we can go back to Japan now?"

Yuki smiled and nodded.

"We need to make up for some lost valuable bed time don't we Shu."

Shuichi smiled teasingly.

"I get to be on top."

"No way, I'm always on top. What makes you think that is going to change now?"

They began to walk away from the grave, when Yuki suddenly stopped.

"W...what's wrong?" Shuichi asked.

"Forgive me, but I must double check something."

Yuki reached out and slowly lifted Shuichi's shirt. A smile grew on his face and then he let out a relaxing sigh. He let go of Shuichi's shirt.

_Thank god. There were no bruises or scarring. I was so scared that it had actually...no. Everything is as it should be now._

They both looked back toward the grave, then Yuki wrapped his arm around Shuichi's shoulder and they walked away. They were going to leave New York and put the past behind them, and Yuki was going to learn how to live again. Yuki was finally free.

"I love you Shuichi, I love you."

On the way to the airport Shuichi sang the one song that Yuki had wrote about him. It soon became his favorite song.

"Kiss shining"

"Kodoku o katachidori"

Karemaru Koukai ga kuu o kiru"

The setting sun began to set behind them, promising more adventures to come.

**NG Studios**

K stood in Touma's office.

"Do you know when those two will be returning? Shuichi can't just neglect Bad Luck."

"I understand that Mr. K, however, it is very important to me that Yuki seeks appropriate help. I believe that Shuichi can help him."

"Then I will join Mr. Nakano and Suguru in the studio."

K went to push himself off the wall and left the room.

Touma sat there staring at his phone, hoping Yuki would phone for his support. He still wanted to believe that he held a special place in Yuki's heart, but he knew that it wasn't so.

Suddenly the door burst open and Ryuichi came flying through the door. Following slowly behind him was Tatsua. Yes, Ryuichi had fallen in love with Tatsua although he held Shuichi a place in his heart as well.

"Touma, buddy!" Ryuichi was carrying his famous Mr. Bear, also known as Kumagoro.

He ran up to Touma and started tapping his shoulder with it. It had been 3 days since Yuki and Shuichi had taken a trip to New York to visit Kitazawa's grave.

"Guess what Touma, my man! I have good news! They're coming home! They're coming home!"

Touma held a smile. It was amazing how he had so much patience for the over hyper boy.

"Now, Shuichi and I can sing together again."

"Shuichi and I can sparkle together. Sparkly Shuichiiii! Yeah! Ha ha ha."

Ryuichi started dancing around the room.

_So, he had no use for me after all. But that's ok. He is finally happy, and that is all that matters._


	14. Complications

**Author note: **I thought Id throw in a couple bonus chapters because you all seem to want more but remember that eventually the story has to end but Ive comet o the decison that once I have finished with this story I will write a second part but you will have to be patient because I am finishing school in a couple of day sand I wont have access to the internet but since I have a job i will be able to get the internet at home so just hang in there and wait for me ok.

**Chapter 14 : Complications**

Shuichi blinked his eyes slowly. He squinted his eyes as the mornings first sunlight glided through the window and shone in his eyes. His eyelids fluttered a few more times before he allowed his eyes to open fully to enjoy the sunlights dance. Shuichi let out a long yawn and stretched his arms above his head. He brought his arms down to rest on his abdomen. A look of concern paled his face.

_What if Yuki left again? Is is fight with his past actually over? Did Yuki leave in the middle of the night and return to New York again?_

Shuichi was afraid to roll over and find his Yukis place empty. Shuichis heart pace quickened and a bead of sweat rolled down the side of his face. He had the premonition that the bed was empty of Yukis cold yet warm pressence. Shuichi squeezed his eyes shut and then opened them quickly again.

_Shuichi your being rediculous. He wouldnt leave without you, especially after he told you that he loved you.He expressed his unconditional feelings to you and now your doubting him? No freakin way! When you roll over, hell be right there waiting for you to invite him into your open arms. _

Shuichi squeezed his eyes shut once again and made an exagerated grunting sound as he rolled over as fast as he could. His heart fell when his hand landed on nothing but cold sheets. Shuichi forced his eyes open and gasped when he saw that the place beside him was completely empty. As if he thought he was dreaming or that Yuki had become invisible he ran his hands through the sheets and lifted Yukis pillow.

Yuki...

Shucihi jumped off the bed, ran to the door and threw it open at full force, knocking it right off its hinges.

Yuki! You jerk! You left me here all alone...again!

Suddenly Shuichi stopped. The smell of wonderfully cooked food filled his flaring nostrils. His facial expressions softened and his heartbeat returned to normal.

So I suppose your not in the mood for breakfast huh?

Yukis face peered around the corner at him at the end of the hallway. Without hesitation Shuichi used his amazing speed to dash down the hallway and jump into Yukis arms which were already preoccupied with a dish towel draped over his right arm and a frying pan in his left hand. Yukis sudden shocked expression turned into a look of annoyance as he struggled to hold the hyper boy up and stop him from falling off him and hurting himself.

Shu..Shuichi! Your going to fall!

Yuki, hold me, said Shuichi trying to scramble up Yukis body and cling to his neck. Suddenly the pan fell with a clang to the kitchen floor and Shuichi could feel the tug of gravity on Yukis body as Yukis feet gave way under them. Shuichi found himself staring down into Yukis wide eyes. Everything seemed to hold still for a while. The only thing that was heard was the sound of Shuichs quick breathing. Shuichi concentrated on the feeling of Yukis chest rising and falling beneath him. Yuki still looked surprised but there was a glint in his golden eyes. Other than the feeling of hardness beneath him, Shuichi could see in his eyes that he was enjoying the fact that Shuichi was sitting on top of him.

Ìm sorry Yuki I...

In the heat of the moment Shuichi pressed his lips against Yukis fiercly. He pushed Yukis head into the floor as he used full force to kiss him. His lips stung and burned as Yuki attacked him back with the same furiousity in his kiss. There tongues met in a fierce clash that seemed to erupt their inner mouths in flames. Shuichi pushed harder with his hips against Yuki. A gasp escaped Yukis mouth as their mouths parted for a split second and then clashed together again. Yuki grunted as he grabbed Shuichis wrist and rolled him off of him. Shuichi layed there mesmerized by Yukis captivating beauty. Sweat coated his beautiful skin and his once neatly brushed hair was in dissaray.

Breakfast is going to get cold Shu.

Ohh, Yuki. Its been a while. Cant it wait?

Shuichi asked in a whiny voice.

You dont have to worry about that. Dont forget that you broke our bedroom door, so youll be making up for that tonight Yuki sttod up and held his out to Shuichi. Shuichi took his hand and Yuki pulled him to his feet. Yuki guided him to the kitchen table. Shuichi took a seat and feasted his eyes on the huge breakfast laid out before him.

There were scrambled eggs, rice, fried fish, miso soup, pancakes, and to top it off, there was a bowl of strawberries.

Yuki... this is all so wonderful. This is like a feast for a prince.

That is because you are my prince...Shu.

Shuichi looked at him questioningly.

Yuki blushed. He cleared his throat and proceeded to a bag that sat at the end of the table.

Before we start eating, I wanted you to have this.

Yuki grabbed the bag and returned to Shuichis side of the table and kneeled next to him. His grace made Shuichi blush. He felt as though Yuki was going to propose to him. Shuichi swallowed a lump in his throat. Yuki began opening the bag.

Ì know it isnt much and you deserve much more but...

Yuki finished opening the bag. Shuichi watched in anticipation of what was inside the bag. Shuichi couldnt believe how tense he was. No matter how small it was, anything form Yuki would be special. Yuki had never gotten him a gift before. Yuki just wasnt like that. The closes thing to a surprise he ever got from Yuki was a cold shove. It seemed to take Yuki forever to reach inisde the bag to pull out the first item. Shuichi was speechless when Yuki pulled from the bag Ryuchis trademark Kumagoro. Yuki looked so adorable holding out the pink floppy eared bunny bear.

Ì know how much you idolize the singer and he teases you with this thing all the time, so now you have one to.

Yuki I dont know what to say. Thank you so much.

Shuichi took the bunny bear thing from his hands and held it close to his heart.

Shuichis attention was diverted from the bear and back to the bag as Yuki proceeded to pull out the next item.

I dont know if your much of a reader but this is my newest novel that hasnt been released and it is the only one with my autograph.

Shuichi took the book and set it on the table in front of him.

Òf course Ill read it. In fact I think Ill have you read me a chapter each night.

Shuichi studied the book and then gasped.

yuki! This book is about you and I. Your actually releasing this to the public?

Of course. There is nothing to hide between you and I anymore.

Shuichi immediately understood that Yuki planned on being with him forever. The fact that he was going to let the whole world know about his love for him made Shuichi so happy that tears came to his eyes.

Yuki, you have made me the happiest man in the world.

No, you have made me the happiest man in the world Shu. You have saved me from a life time of grief. I have one more thing...

Yuki reached into the bag and pulled out a small package which Shuichi immediately recognized as being strawberry pocky.

I thought we could share this tonight, said Yuki with a smile.

**NG Studios**

Shuichi stood in the recording room with his hands on his hips. Sakano had his hands clasped in front of him with a huge grin on his face. He was accompanied by Mr. K, Hiro, and Suguru.

Im so glad your back Shuichi. That was the best recording session yet. It seems that three day vacation really paid off, said Sakano.

Yeah! That was awesome! And things between me and Yuki couldnt be better!

Thats great. Maybe we should all go out and celebrate tonight, said Suguru.

Everyone looked at him in shock. Suguru was usually a tight ass who only cared about the band and no one elses affairs. K slapped him in the back playfully.

Of course we should do that. We should invite Yuki along to.

That sounds great you guys but Yuki and I are going to be having a celebration of our own tonight. Maybe some other time.

Everyone laughed.

**One hour later**

Shuichi and Hiro were crossing the street toward Hiros apartment laughing up a storm. Hiro had been telling him about some of the things he had missed like the relationship that Suguru and K now shared. They had just fiished making fun of how K forces the poor boy into submission in bed with his semi automatic.

Poor Suguru,said Shuichi through his fits of laughter.

Once they had reached the other side of the street Hiro turned to face him.

Ill order pizza once we get to my place. Ryuichi gave me a video of his latest concert and we can watch it together ok.

Really!? Thats great. That means I didnt miss it while I was gone.

Hiro and Shuichi entered the apartment and Shuichi closed the door behind them.

Woah! Your apartment has really changed since Ive been gone.

Thats because Ive moved in.

Ayaka came walking in from the bedroom. She walked up to Hiro and gave him a kiss.

Thats great,said Shuichi. Im happy for the both of you.

The three of us really need to talk, said Ayaka suddenly.

Not now, said Hiro sternly.

Shuichi looked at them confused.

Werè talking now, said Ayaka.

And I said we arent talking now. Shuichi just got back. It can wait.

Ayaka suddenly looked angry.

We are talking now and that is that.

Uh...Hiro, maybe we should just talk, said Shuichi.

Hiro sighed a frustrated sigh.

Fine, whatever.

They were now sitting at the kitchen table.

Is this true!? Shuichi yelled angrily smashing his fist into the table.

You cant just up and leave! What about Bad Luck!?

Shuichi, Tohma can always find you another guitarist. You can handle the band well enough without me.

That isnt true! Its you or nothing!

Shuichi, why do you gotta be so stubborn?

Stubborn? Im not being stubborn. Your talking about leaving the band. Please tell me your kidding.

Im not kidding, said Hiro looking down sadly.

No! Your not leaving! I wont let you!

That is enough Shuichi, said Ayaka suddenly. Hiro has to move with me to Kyoto. He has no other choice if he wants to be with me.

What?

Ayaka sighed.

Hiro and I need to be by my family because...because...well...Hiro and I are having a baby.

After Ayaka finished speaking Shuichi jumped up in rage.

A baby!? Thats why your quitting the band! I go away for three days and then look what happens!

Shuichi pointed at Ayaka.

You seem to make a habit out of destroying everything I hold dear.

Ayaka suddenly burst into tears. She got up and ran from the room.

You cant blame this on her Shuichi. Your acting like a spoiled brat.

Shuichi suddenly spat in Hiros face. I hate your guts Hiro! Your ruining our dreams!

Shuichi suddenly stormed out of the kitchen and then out of the apartment.

Damn you Hiroshi!

Shuichi stopped in the middle of the street and kicked an imaginary person in front of him.

You dumb jerk!

**Yukis Apartment**

Yuki paused his typing as he heard a loud crash. A look of concern came to his face as he pushed himself away from the computer desk. He grabbed his cigarette from the ash tray and made his way to the front door which had obviously been kicked in by an angry Shuichi but he was no where to be seen. Suddenly the phone rang. Yuki made his way to the phone.

What is it? he asked.

I think hes here. I dont think hes very happy though. In fact, I think he may be extremely mad.

pause...

Ayaka please calm down. You sound dstraught. You need to slow down, I cant understand what your saying.

Suddenly there was a click. The line went dead. Confused, Yuki returned the phone to its cradle. Yuki took one last look at the kicked in door nad then proceeded to the bathroom where Shuichi was probably hiding out. Yuki knocked on the door.

Shuichi?

The only response was sobbing.

Do you always have to destroy doors when your upset?

Yuki opened the bathroom door to find Shuichi sitting in a piled of toilet paper. Tears stained his face but he was obviously confused as to whether he was mad or sad.

Are you gonna tell me whats wrong, or do I have to pull it out of Ayaka?

Shuichi looked up at him.

If it isnt one thing then its another. Am I not allowed to enjoy happiness? Besides you, the band is my life and Hiro wants to quit all because Ayaka is having a baby. The bastard is giving up on our dreams.

Yuki quickly took a seat beside Shuichi in the pile of toilet paper that was obviously reserved for him. Shuichi was expecting YUki to come in and console him.

Shuichi, dont you think that is a little selfish? I mean, I know your a pushy little brat but dont you think Hiro deserves to be happy to.

Oh thats just great. You think Im a spoiled little brat to. This morning you treated me like royalty but now Im just a spoiled little brat.

I didnt say that.

No, but you were thinking it.

There was a long pause.

Well, I guess this ruins our plans for tonight,said Yuki.

Sorry,said Shuichi.

Dont worry about it.

Why dont you just go to bed and we can try and figure out this mess tomorrow?

Shuichi was obviously expecting more from Yuki but there wasnt anything he could think of to help Shuichi with this awkward situation.

Yuki tucked him into bed and when he was sure he was asleep he made his way to the living room and to the phone.

Ayaka, hi. Can you put Hiro on the phone please? No, Im not going to cause any trouble.

There was a pause.

Hiro. Yes, hes pretty upset. No, dont worry about it. Dont worry hell get over it. I dont know how long it will take or what I can do to help him... yeah, hes really crushed. You should probably have a talk with him tomorrow, just you two. Ayaka doesnt have to know. Ayaka is probably the one who pissed him off the most. Alright thanks.

Yuki hung up the phone and sighed.

Geez, what am I going to do. This is going to really complicate things.


	15. Hesitation

**Author note**:

**Author note: **Input on the relationships in this chapter would be greatly appreciated. This will help me to understand better where I am going with this. I also wanted to let everyone know that now I have the internet at home so Ill be updating as frequently as possible, now that I am out of school and I will also have time to anser all of your reviews individually. Thank you everyone once again. Heres another chapter coming right at you!

Chapter 15: Hesitation

Yuki woke from his dream with a start. He had not been startled from his slumber by a bad dream, rather he had an idea to stop Hiro from leaving. It had come to him in his sleep. He knew that deep in peoples hearts that best friends always held special places in each others hearts. He knew this because he and Kitazawa had shared a very inseparable bond that had haunted him up until only recently.

_If this is the only way to stop Shuichi from hurting then I guess I have no choice. It shouldnt effect me anyway. But..._

Yuki looked toward the sleeping boy next to him and carefully pushed his sloppy bangs back with his hand so as not to wake him.

Shuichi woke about an hour later. He sat straight up in bed and looked around. Shuichi sighed in frustration when he realized Yuki wasnt sleeping next to him again.

Just once, cant you wait in bed until I wake up?

Shuichi pulled Kumagoro close to him. Kumagoro was very special to him. Kumagoro symbolized his all time favourite singer Ryuchi and the bunny bear also symbolized Yukis unconditional love. A small smile spread across his face. He pressed his nose against Kumagoros head between his long ears. He never really understood why Ryuichi called him Mr. Bear. The thing looked like a rabbit. Shuichi decided to humour Ryuichi anyways by calling it Mr. Bear. In his mind however, it was a bunny bear or in other words a bear having an identity crisis. Shuichi snickered at this thought.

Maybe Yuki is making breakfast, do you want to go see Mr. Bear?

Shuichi jumped off the bed and stretched his arms above his head with Kumagoro in his right hand. The sunlight from the window glinted off Mr. Bears brand new pinkness and reflected off something on the night stand that caught Shuichis eyes.

Huh?

Shuichi walked up to the night stand and noticed a package that was once the package of strawberry pocky that Yuki had got for him. Shuichis face twisted into a look of angry confusion. He wasnt exactly angry. He was confused and a little bothered by the fact that he was going to share a special moment with Yuki and that pocky.

Wha...what happened? Did he eat that without me? Why would he do that?

Shuichi looked down at Kumagoro.

Well, I dont suppose you ate that.

Shuichi quickly snatched the empty package off the night stand and let out a frustrated groan. Shuichi ran for the door which was still laying in the hallway after Shuichis rampage yesterday morning. Shuichi was still being bothered by the fact that Hiro was leaving. Add that to the strawberry pocky issue and the issue that Yuki was gone somewhere and now you have a very pissed off Shuichi. Shuichi clenched Kumagoro tightly in his right fist. He was pretty sure that he would have squeezed the poor stuffing right out of it if Yuki hadnt just walkd through the door. Yuki began removing his shoes with a cigarette dangling from his mouth. Shuichi noticed that Yuki was dressed in a nice suit.

Shuichi stared at him in an annoying manner. Yuki looked up after he removed his shoes to notice the stare he was receiving.

What is it, you damn brat?

Shuichi bit his bottom lip.

Why are you calling me a damn brat? Shuichi asked angrily.

What are you so mad about? Yuki asked.

Shuichi threw the empty package at his feet.

Did you get hungry in the middle of the night or something?

Your damn right I did. Your crappy attitude made me change my mind about sharing it with you.

What? Shuichi asked in a whiny voice.

Of course Im going to be upset if my best friend since grade school is going to quit the band, move away and have a baby. How am I not supposed to be upset?

Tears sprung to his eyes.

Stop whining. Like I said, talk to him. I bet hell change his mind. He is your best friend after all. Im going to be working on my novel now, so leave me alone.

Yuki gave him a cold stare and proceeded toward his study.

Yuki! Said Shuichi turning toward Yuki who was already half way down the hall.

What is the matter with you?

Yuki opened the door to his study.

Dont go smashing any doors ok?

Yuki closed the door without another word.

Yuki, said Shuichi quietly.

Oh, Kumagoro. What do you suppose made Yuki so mad? I dont care about the pocky now. I just wish Yuki would talk to me.

Shuichi was greeted at the door of Hiros apartment by Ayaka.

Oh, hello Shuichi. Come on in.

Shuichi followed Ayaka in. She returned to the kitchen and continued doing the dishes she had been doing before she let Shuichi in. Shuichi noticed Hiro sitting in the middle of the living room tuning his guitar. Shuichi thought he knew what he was going to say but seeing him there now, standing in his apartment watching him tune his guitar. Shuichi had no idea what to say. Hiro looked up from his guitar for a moment.

Well...arent you coming in? Or are you just going to stand there? Shuichi swallowed the lump in his throat and joined Hiro on the floor. Hiro continued to tune his guitar. He had it propped up on his raised knee while his other leg was stretched out in front of him.

After a long excruciating silence, Hiro looked up at him from his guitar.

You can relax. Stop trying to think of things to say. Im not going anywhere.

Shuichi was shocked. Just yesterday Hiro had his heart set on going and now all of a sudden he wasnt going anywhere.

But...what about the baby?

Does it really matter? You wanted me to stay right?

Yeah but... what about Ayaka?

Shes ok with it. It turns out that the baby isnt mine anyways.

Shuichis mouth dropped and literally hit the floor.

But doesnt that mean...

That she cheated on me? Yeah so...

Whats the matter with you! Doesnt that matter to you at all!?

Hiro and I have decided that we just dont love each other anymore, said Ayaka from the doorway. Weve decided to end it. Ayaka left the doorway to continue doing dishes.

Shuichi watched Hiro for some kind of reaction but his friends eyes didnt leave his guitar. He didnt look upset at all. He acted as if this matter had been settled some years ago.

Hiro, dont understand.

Really. Hiro looked up. Can you be anymore clueless?

Im going shopping! Ayaka called.

Ok, bye! hiro called back.

Shuichi was completely baffled. He heard the door close as Ayaka left.

You guys seemed fine yesterday. When did you find out it wasnt your baby?

This morning actually. I actually was kind of expecting it. I knew she was cheating on me. Well I didnt exactly know but I suspected her of it. She goes shopping way to much.

Uh! Like right now?

Hiro nodded. This is the first time that Shuichi actually saw the hurt expression he was trying to conceal.

Hiro Im sorry.

Dont apologize Shuichi. Its not your fault.

Hiro pushed his guitar away and smiled at Shuichi. It happened to be a smile that Shuichi had never actually seen before. Was this a true smile? Or was it just a forced smile?

That night Shuichi managed to let himself into the apartment. He was exhausted from being at the studio with Hiro for most of the day. He was still confused about the whole relationship between Ayaka and Hiro but he was too tired to think about it anymore. He was happy that he wasnt leaving of course but he wasnt expecting it to be because of a reason like that. Ayaka and Hiro got together shortly after she was turned down by Yuki. Hiro really liked her. Shuichi threw off his shoes and proceeded toward the bedroom. He was expecting to share this night with Yuki. It had been a while and he had a feeling that Yuki was feeling the sexual tension.

_Thats probably why he was in such a bad mood this morning._

Shuichi stopped outside Yukis study when he heard the usual clicking of the keys on his laptop.

_Hes still in there? _

Shuichi raised his hand to knock the door but stopped when he remembered that Yuki had told him not to bother him.

_Ill just wait for him to come to bed._

Shuichi felt the bed shift as Yuki crawled into bed. He must have dosed off because he didnt even hear him walk in. Shuichi rolled toward him. Shuichi felt frustrated when he noticed that Yuki wasnt even facing him.

Yuki?

Yeah?

Shuichi shifted himself so that he was leaning over Yuki.

Not tonight Shu. Im too tired. Ive been trying to meet a deadline with my novel.

I dont care, said Shuichi suddenly.

I need some sort of affection and I need it now.

Yuki suddenly rolled over so that he was now over top of Shuichi.

Arent you happy yet? Hiro decided to stay right?

Yeah...but Yuki...how did you know that? Shuichi asked suspiciously.

I just guessed.

No you didnt. You know something that your not telling. Thats why your acting strange.

Just drop it you damn brat. Im too tired to argue with you.

Yuki rolled back the other way so that he wasnt facing Shuichi anymore and eventually they both fell asleep.

It wasnt until the next morning at the kitchen table during breakfast that Shuichi had noticed that Yuki had lost the flare in his eyes and the wild passion of his hair. He looked dull and burned out. Yuki sat there drinking a coffee and reading the newspaper. He had once again gotten out of bed without waiting for Shuichi to wake up. Shuichi fidgeted in the chair across from him.

What is it? Yuki asked without looking up from his paper.

Its just...you seem distant.

Yuki eyed Shuichi over the paper.

_Thats right Shuichi. Ill make you hate me._

What makes you say that?

Well..you arent saying much and you ate the strawberry pocky we were going to share and we havent som much as shared an intimate moment since we got back.

You know how it is when I start working on my novels. It wears me out you know.

Right, said Shuichi rising.

Well, I have to get to the studio. Wait for me before you start dinner ok?

Sorry, but I plan on ordering out tonight. You can make your own. Yuki said looking back down at his paper.

Oh... Shuichi sighed.

**NG Studios**

Shuichi entered the recording studio in a slow sluggish manner.

K was sitting in a chair in the corner watching as Hiro tuned his guitar for practice and Suguru was playing aorund with his keyboard, trying to find the right notes for their upcoming practice.

Whats wrong Shindou? K asked.

Suguru and Hiro took this as their cue to take curiousity in Ks question to Shuichi and looked at Shuichi questioningly.

Well its just that Yuki is acting cold again...like he used to be. I thought he had gotten past all that after we went to New York. I dont undertand.

Hiros eyebrow rose.

_No way. Yuki was actually serious? I didnt think he would actually go through with it._

Hiro, seriously... this is a bad time for you to leave. You are all I have.

A smile spread across the guitarists face.

Relaz Shuichi. I decided that Im going to stay.

Shuichis eyes widened in an over exagerated animated way. He sighed in a girly and childish way.

Really Hiro? Your so awesome! Its the power of love baby! He sang out into his imaginary microphone. Soon Hiro joined him in a high energetic dance around the studio, leaving K and Suguru dumbstruck.

I think I need to go home, said Suguru hunching over.

There was a click from Ks semi automatic.

What was that? He asked.

Nevermind, stated Suguru getting back to his keyboard.

Soon the dance ended with Hiro and Shuichi falling to the floor in a fit of laughter.

So what made you change your mind? Shuichi suddenly asked.

Huh? Oh...well Ayaka and I found out this morning that the baby isnt actually mine.

There was a sudden deafening thudding sound that came from one of the keys of Sugurus keyboard as his hand slipped at Hiros sudden confession.

Hiro Im so sorry to hear that, said Suguru.

K growled in anger.

I hate cheaters! He yelled standing up.

Oh, dont worry K. I wont cheat on you hunny, said Suguru jokingly and then he burst into laughter. he suddenly stopped when he remembered what Hiro had just finished saying.

Hiro...I didnt know. I...

It isnt like its your fault Shuichi. You dont need to get all upset about it.

But Hiro, your my friend.

Look, just drop it ok, you got what you wanted right. You should be happy that Im not leaving.

_But Im not happy. Im not happy at all._

After the recording session was over and Hiro and Shuichi were outside, Hiro took this moment to ask Shuichi a question.

Hey Shu, do you think you can do me a huge favor?

Shuichi seemed to be deep in thought. He had a hurt expression on his face with a mixture of what looked like guilt.

Shuichi, are you even listening to me?

Huh?

I asked if you could do me a huge favor.

Shuichi smiled.

Of course. Your my best friend Hiro. What is it?

Well tonight is going to be my first night without Ayaka in my apartment. I was wondering if you would maybe stay over?

Shuichi thought for a moment.

Why not? I dont think Yuki would be in the mood for having me around tonight anyway. Something seems to be seriously bothering him. It doesnt seem like his past is bothering him though. Its different this time. Uh! But its not me with the problem! Shuichi started waving his arms in the air.

Im sorry! Im shoving my problems off on you when you already have your own!

Hiro scratched the back of his head and laughed.

Shuichi knock it off already. Im fine, really.

Shuichi stopped and eyed Hiro with fresh sympathy.

_Ayaka cheated on him and hes acting like hes ok. There is no way that anyone could be fine after something like that. The poor guy is in denial._

Hiro and Shuichi entered the dark apartment.

Hold on a sec.

Shucihi listened as Hiro shuffled through the dark. He heard a thumping sound and then the room was was lit. Hiro was standing near the light switch at the right side of the room. Shuichi took in his surroundings.

Ayaka already took all of her stuff?

Yeah. I kinda freaked out. I think I scared her away.

Do you know where she went?

Nope.

Oh, are those yours? Shuichi asked pointing at the medical books spread out on the floor.

Uh yeah. I was planning on moving to Kyoto and becoming a doctor. That was until I found out about the baby.

Oh. Do you...know whos baby it is?

Hiro hesitated before speaking.

No I dont but I dont want to talk about it anymore ok, he said bending over to pick up the books. He threw them on the small coffee table.

Would you like something to drink? A coke?

Sure, said huichi following him into the kitchen.

Hiro and Shuichi sat at the table with their cokes.

So things arent going well with Yuki huh?

A small smile spread across his face and his eyes took a distant look.

I dont really know. Yuki has strange ways of showing how he feels and hes always sending mixed signals. I dont know how to react to him most of the time. At first things couldnt be better but its almost like Ive missed something.

Hiro looked down to hide the look of guilt that he now possessed.

Youll be taking the bed tonight, said Hiro tossing a pair of pajamas to Shuichi in the bedroom.

Shuichi started changing out of his clothes in front of Hiro. Since they were best friends since kindergarten it only seemed natural but for Hiro, he was unable to look away. It was more than just curiousity that tugged at the back of his mind, but shoving the strange thoughts attacking the back of him mind, Hiro forced himself to turn around.

You dont have to turn around you know, said Shuichi casually.

I know but...

Im finished anyways.

_Wow, that was fast._

Hiro turned around to find Shuichi already crawling into bed.

Your going to bed already?

Yeah, Im beat. By the way where are you sleeping?

Im just gonna take the floor since i dont have a couch.

Shuichi laughed and patted the bed next to him.

Dont worry, it isnt like Im going to come on to you or anything.

_You really do fail to see the bigger picture dont you? Shuichi Im sorry but..._

Hiro crawled into bed next to him and reached over to turn off the lamp. Once it was dark Hiro found it hard to relax. For some reason he was too nervous to move. Not only was he feeling guilty for what he was taking part in but he really wanted to tell Shuichi how he felt. He was afraid however, that revealing his true feelings would only hurt Shuichi in the long run, plus there was the fact that he had been lying to him ever since he came to the studio this morning.

You seem tense, said Shuichi suddenly.

He said it so suddenly that Hiro jumped.

Yeah, I guess its because of this whole Ayaka thing. Dont worry though Im fine.

Im glad you decided to stay, even though it was because of unexpected circumstances. I just dont think I could continue Bad Luck without you.

Hiro rolled toward Shuichi who was facing the other direction. It had been about five minutes before Shuichi had said anything.

_Maybe hes asleep._

Hiro bit his bottom lip nervously as he slowly moved his arm toward Shuichi. He intended to wrap his arm around him and hold him close but before he could succeed Shuichi spoke so suddenly that it caused yet another jerk from Hiro.

Hiro?

Yeah Shuichi?

I think if I dint love Yuki, I could love...you. Does that sound strange?

Hiro hesitated.

Its just that weve been best friends for a while, and youve always been there for me. If I didnt have Yuki, you would be my alternative. Its not that I like guys, its just... what Im trying to say is... if Yuki was a girl I could still love him the way I do today. Im probably not making any sense right now.

Hiro took this moment to roll Shuichi toward him.

Hiro...

Hiro silenced him by pressing his lips to Shuichis.

Shuichi suddenly pushed him away.

Hiro what are you doing? Its not like Yuki and I have broken up.

Sorry, it was just in the heat of the moment. You totally made so much sense, that I didnt know what to. do. Your speech was quite touching.

Shuchi sighed.

Something just doesnt quite add up lately. First Yuki is acting cold and mean and now my best friend is kissing me.

_Hiro is awfully cute tonight. Should I cheat on Yuki?_


	16. Endless Guilt

**Author note: **Hello ladies and gents I have returned! I now have my own internet, therefore updates will come much faster and it is all thanks to your support.This chapter might be a bit angsty and it may be a little difficult to follow. Please bear with it and thank you for reading my story once again. Without further ado, let the story commence!

Chapter 16: Endless Guilt

_What am I thinking!? I can't just cheat on Yuki! We've been through way too much for me to just throw it away because of one little fling. I love Hiro but not in that way, it's more like a brotherly love. We've been together since grade school. I know Hiro has strong feelings for me but I know that he loved Ayaka and I'm pretty sure that he still loves her even though she cheated on him. I'm just...selfish. I can't play music without Hiro and I can't go on living without Yuki, at least not normally anyways._

Shuichi chewed his bottom lip in frustration.

_The only reason I'm having thoughts of getting closer to Hiro is because Yuki is pushing me away and because the sexual tension is really getting to me. I wonder how Yuki is dealing with his sexual tension. Besides, putting up with Yukis coldness really pays off when he shows his angelic side._

Shuichis body shuddered at this thought.

Shuichi turned his head toward Hiro. It was dark so Shuichi couldn't tell if he was awake or not. Suddenly, without any warning Hiro pulled Shuichi to him.

"Hiro?"

"Shhhh." Hiro put his finger to Shuichis lips to silence him.

Shuichi tensed up.

_What is he doing?_

Shuichi waited a while and relaxed when he realized that Hiro was sleeping. Shuichi smiled and curled up in Hiros arms.

_I am pretty sure that if I didn't have Yuki, I could love Hiro the same way...maybe._

Shuichi was awoke the next morning by sexy Hiro in his boxer shorts.

"Oh, come on! Let me sleep longer damn it!"

Shuichi pulled the blankets up over his head.

"You know we have to go to the studio today."

Shuichi threw the blankets off himself suddenly.

"I forgot to tell Yuki where I am!"

Shuichi jumped out of bed and began searching the room for the cordless phone.

"It's obvious where your motivations come from." Hiro glared at him.

"Hiro, it isn't like that. I'm just really tired and I don't want Yuki to be mad at me when I go home tonight."

"Here," said Hiro tossing Shuichi his cell phone.

"I'm not sure where the cordless phone is right now."

All of a sudden Shuichis boddy started shuddering. He held tightly to the cell phone with both hands to the point where his knuckles were going white. His facial expression was a cross between a really excited boy and a psychotic maniac.

"D..do you think that maybe Yuki is worried about me? He'll probably be so worried about me that when I come home tonight, he'll just have to punish me. Yeah! Yuki really does care!"

Hiros face dropped in disgust, but then returned to a smile.

_Shuichi, you are so cute you know that?_

"I can hardly contain my excitement!"

Shuichi dialed Yukis number quickly. It continued to ring for a while.

"He isn't answering. Oh! Nevermind! Hi Yuuuuuuki!"

Shuichi heard Yuki blow smoke into the mouth piece of the phone.

"Stop, with that unbearable yelling. I've been up all night trying to meet my deadline."

"Yuki, you always have deadlines."

"No thanks to you. Your too distracting."

"I'm going to take that as a compliment," Shuichi replied.

Yuki growled in annoyance.

"Yuki, did you worry about me?"

_Of course I worried about you, you fool. That's the reason I was up all night. You should have at least phoned me._

"Of course not you damn brat. I rather enjoyed the peace and quiet. Where are you anyways?"

"Hey! Don't change the subject!" Shuichi yelled into the phone. Yuki had to pull the phone away from his hear because of Shuichis loud voice.

"You didn't worry about me even a little?"

"Yeah," Yuki replied.

"So you did worry about me a little?"

"No."

"Yuki! Your so mean!"

"Stop whining. Listen...You may as well stay at Hiros again tonight, I'm not going to be home at all tonight. In fact my date is here now, see ya."

"Wait! Date!?"

Yuki had already hung up the phone.

Shuichi handed the cell back to Hiro and hung his head. His shoulders slumped at his new found depression.

"Shuichi? Are you ok?"

Shuichi crawled back onto the bed and pressed his face into the pillow.

"Yuki, doesn't care about me." His voice was muffled by the pillow, but still understandable.

"Oh come on now. You know he does. You should know better than anyone else that his cold attitude is just a cover up. Everything will be ok, you guys always manage to pull through."

._If I don't shut up now, I'm just going to make matters worse. Can I actually go through with this?_

"Yeah! Of course! Your riiiiiiiight!" Yelled Shuichi jumping up. His loud voice resulted in smashed windows and vases but Hiro only continued to smile. It wasn't the first time Shuichi had destroyed his windows with his yelling.

"Come on. Just forget about him for right now. I'm sure that when you go back home, things will be ok."

"I'm not going back home tonight Hiro. Yuki is going on a date."

"Ah ha ha," Hiro scratched the back of his head in amusement.

"He probably made another date with his computer and is just trying to get you all excited by telling you that he is going out."

"It's almost like he is trying to avoid me, like he's ignoring me on purpous."

"Shuichi, have you ever considered turning our passionate friendship into love?"

_"_Of course not! I can't just turn my back on Yuki! What are you thinking!?" Shuichi yelled while doing spins around the room.

"You are completely hopeless, you know that_?"_

_"_Oh yeah! That was completely awesome!" Yelled Shuichi as he and Hiro left NG Studios hours later.

Shuichi looked up.

"Wow, the moon is full tonight. I wonder if Yuki can see it right now?" Without even realizing it, Shuichi had begun his walk toward Yukis apartment.

"Ah, Shuichi where are you going?"

"Uh!" Shuichi stopped and his shoulders hunched over as he remembered Yukis cruelness. Tears stung his eyes as he looked off in Yukis direction.

_I wonder if Yuki is at home. Did he really go on a date? He always did have girls flocking to him and he did go on dates with some of them before Yuki had agreed to being his lover._

"Is Yuki tired of me already?"

"Nah, I don't think that is it at all," said Hiro placing his hand on his shoulder.

"Come now, we'll order pizza."

"Alright, just let me get washed up and then I'll order pizza"

Shuichi switched on the television while Hiro went into the washroom. Shuichi found himself face to face with the screen as his prized Yuki walked onto the screen. Yukis face turned to complete spite when he realized that the woman he was with was none other than Ayaka.

"Is it true that you two are to be married?" Asked the woman holding the mic. Yuki nodded.

"What about the singer Shuichi Shindou of Bad Luck?"

Shuichi watched as Yuki let out a long sigh and then he pulled Ayaka closer to him.

"I intend to break it off with him," Yuki replied.

Shuichi was hunched on front of the television and Hiro had been standing there the whole time. Shuichis body shook with anger, yet he had tears raining down his face like rain on a window.

"Shuichi..."

Shuichi suddenly turned around.

"Hiro, I'm sorry. You should never have seen that."

"No Shuichi, you shouldn't have seen that."

"Hiro, just what are we going to do!?"

"I can't believe Yuki would do this to me...and Ayaka to!?"

Shuichi suddenly clung to Hiros feet. He began to writhe like a wounded animal.

"Hiro, you have to tell me. Is the baby...is the baby Yukis?"

Shuichi started clawing at Hiros feet.

"Hiro help me. I can't breathe. Hiro don't just...don't just stand there...please."

Shuichi gasped for air.

Hiro stood there unable to move. Guilt held him in place for the pain he had caused Shuichi.

_This is all my fault. Yet, I am still unable to tell him._

Shuichi folded into a messy sobbing ball. He held his legs to his chest as he rocked back and forth.

"Hiro, I just can't make sense of this." Shuichi continued to gasp for air and breathed heavily.

"Hiro, I think I need a doctor. Please..."

"Shuichi cut it out! You need to calm down!" Hiro yelled kneeling next to him. Hiro pulled Shuichi into his lap and began to pet his hair lovingly.

"Deep breaths Shuichi. Your in shock," he said calmly.

After nothing but deep painful sobbing, Shuichis body calmed down and stopped shaking.

_Shuichi, I just don't know how to say it. I couldn't stand the thought of losing you._

Shuichi lifted his head and his teary eyes met those of Hiros. Hiros eyes were also red but he had controlled his emotions and his tears. Little did Shuichi know, the tears were for him, not Ayaka.

"Shuichi...can I..." Hiro cut himself off by kissing Shuichi.

Shuichi could no longer stand it. Yuki had hurt him deeply.

_What does it matter anyway? Yuki and I are through...right?_

Shuichi tangled his hands within Hiros hair and kissed him back. Shuichi situated himself so that he was sitting in Hiros lap, facing him. As they continued to kiss Shuichi began to unbutton Hiros shirt.

_I hate you Yuki. This one is for you._

"Shuichi..." Hiro breathed.

Hiro lifted Shuichi shirt off and tossed it. He clawed at Shuichis back as their kiss heated the inside of their mouths. Hiro moaned as Shuichi pressed himself against Hiro.

"Shuichi, you are so adorable, you know that?"

Without answering Shuichi began to unzip Hiros jeans.

"Shuichi...wait."

Shuichi stopped but continued his focus on the zipper.

"No matter how much I might want this, we just can't."

"What are you talking about? Of course we can. You heard Yuki. He plans to break it off with the lead singer of Bad Luck, Shuichi Shindou."

"This isn't what you want Shuichi. You love Yuki, and you couldn't stand the thought of hurting him, no matter how much he has hurt you."

"Oh yeah, and what about Ayaka? Your acting like this is no big deal to you. It's too late. I want this as much as you do Hiro. You've already got me hot and sweaty and you aren't screwing it up for me now."

Shuichi began to yank on Hiros jeans but they weren't budging as long as he just sat there.

"Come on Hiro! I'm warning you! Don't make me get rough!" He yelled as tears of frustration jumped to his eyes.

Hiro stared sympathetically.

"Look at you. Your a mess and it's all my fault."

"It isn't your fault! It's Yukis!" Shuichi yelled, still trying to remove the jeans.

Shuichis fingers brushed against a very sensitive part of Hiros body, making him scream out.

"Shuichi! Knock it off!"

"I'm going to make you lose control hiro. You wont be able to resist me for much longer."

"Shuichi you have to stop. You aren't thinking clearly. We need to talk."

"Enough talk. Let's just get on with the hands on part."

Shuichi traced Hiros hardness with his finger.

Hiro was panting now.

"Now off with the jeans. We can't do this with clothes on now can we?"

"Oh enough of this! Yuki never cheated on you!"

Shuichi suddenly stopped pulling on Hiros jeans to look up and see tears of endless regret trailing Hiros face.

"Oh Hiro. I'm so sorry." Shuichi backed off of him and sat hunched in front of him.

"Please don't be angry with me Hiro. I didn't mean...I didn't mean to make you cry."

Hiro wiped at his tears with the back of his hand.

"Shuichi, you didn't make me cry."

"What is it? Ayaka?"

"No Shuichi."

Hiro sighed and pulled his knees up to his chest.

"What's the matter then?"

"I hurt you Shuichi."

"N...no you didn't. I'm ok see?"

"No Shuichi, you are not ok!" Hiro suddenly yelled.

"Look at yourself. Look what my manipulation has done to you. I toyed with your feelings and now I don't even know how to apologize to you. I am the worst friend anyone could ask for and you deserve much better than me."

"Hiro, your not making any sense. It isn't your fault that I desire you. I love you Hiro. I may not love you the same as Yuki, but I'm sure I could if I will my heart to do it."

"You don't get it Shuichi. You are so simple minded. Yuki has proven to the both of us just the extent of his love for you." Hiro growled angrily. "Shuichi!" He yelled grabbing his shoulders. "Please try to understand me!"

"Would you just spit it out already!?" Shuichi yelled out.

"All I have ever wanted was for you to love me Shuichi. I knew that it wouldn't be possible as long as you and Yuki were together. I knew that...and still... I was selfish and wanted you all to myself."

"Oh, Hiro. I didn't know." Shuichi tried to hug him but Hiro pushed him away.

"Please tell me that you hate me. Tell me that you hate me and I will leave you alone forever. I'll quit the band and you can be happy again."

"Hiro what the hell is the matter with you!? Are you completely off your rocker!? I've pushed you into insanity haven't I. All those times you stared into my eyes lovingly and bit my ear playfully, you weren't really joking were you?"

"I only want to hear three words from you right now."

"I love you Hiro."

"No! Not those ones! Please...just tell me you hate me."

Hiro turned away from Shuichi but Shuichi could tell that Hiro was crying. His shoulders shook violently and he could hear Hiro choking back his sobs.

_"_Why do you want me to say it so much?"

_Man Hiro, I have never seen you cry like this before. If your not crying for Ayaka, just what are you crying for?_

"All I need to hear Shuichi, is that you hate me. Promise me that you hate me. Say it with all the feeling you have and relieve this unbearable guilt I hold for you."

"Hiro, are you in trouble or something? What are you so guilty about? Come on you can tell me."

Hiros head finally lifted.

"Yes, if I tell you, you will hate me. There is no other choice, even if it means losing you forever. I cannot bear this guilt any longer."


	17. Not Giving Up

Chapter 17: Not Giving Up

Suddenly, there was an urgent sounding knock on the door, interupting the boys thoughts. Hiro didn't move to answer the door so Shuichi got up and answered it. When he pulled open the door his anxiety disappeared and a look of shock washed over him.

"R...Ryuichi!? What are you doing here!?"

Ryuichi had his hands clasped in front of him and he was leaned toward Shuichi with wide eyes.

"Is it true Shuichi!? Are you and Yuki really broken up!?"

Shuichi scratched the back of his head and forced a smile.

"Uh...yeah, it seems that way."

Ryuichi looked over Shuichis shoulder to see Hiro sitting on the floor.

"I feel sorry for you guys. Poor Hiro, poor Shuichi!"

Suddenly, Ryuichi thrust a colouring book in Shuichis face.

"I brought this. I thought it might cheer you up if we coloured together." Ryuchi burst past Shuichi into the room.

"Of course Mr. Bear wants to colour to," he said pulling the pink bunny from his shirt.

Ryuichi opened the colouring book and sat on the floor.

"Sparkly Shuichi! Sparkly! Ah ha ha ha!" Ryuichi began scribbling many different colours over the colouring pages, while Shuichi and Hiro watched completely baffled. Ryuichi always acted like a child except for when he was singing on stage, when he sang on stage, it was like he was a totally different person. He was very mature while he sang, and his voice reached millions world wide. While, he had a strong voice, Shuichis matched his considerably. Ryuichi always had a way of lightening the mood.

"There!" Said Ryuchi excitedly holding up the colourful paper.

Ryuchi then began inspecting the walls.

"Hmmmm, where should I hang this?"

Ryuichi found a spot on the wal land taped it up.

"Perfect."

Ryuichi turned around with a serious look on his face.

"You two shouldn't give up hope so easily."

"Shuichi there is something I have to tell you," said Hiro.

"I know, it's what you've been saying for the past couple of hours. Just tell me Hiro. I am not going to hate you."

"No Shuichi. You will definately hate me. I wanted you to know that Yuki cares very deeply for you. Most likely even deeper than he ever felt about anyone before. You see, Yuki came to me the other morning. He wanted to stop me from leaving because he knew how important it was to you so he proposed that he would make you hate him and in turn you would love me instead. He told me that he would marry Ayaka and help look after her baby as long as I stayed here and continued playing music with you. He must have known how powerful my feelings were for you and without hesitation, I agreed to his plan. I loved Ayaka to, but I knew her feelings for Yuki were very strong, so it didn't take much convincing for her to go along with it."

Shuichi and Ryuichi stared at Hiro in shock.

"Yuki did all that for me? I thought I was selfish," Shuichi muttered.

"To clear it up for you, I don't hate you. I am disappointed however. If Yuki didn't do what he did, you would have left and I would have quit Bad Luck. I told you before, that I will not sing unless you are my guitarist. All I have to do now is tell Yuki that the jig is up and things can go back to normal right?"

Hiro bowed his head.

"I'm afraid it wont be that easy. If you decide to return to Yuki, Ayaka will be devastated and she will most likely want me to move to Kyoto with her. The baby is mine after all."

"But you wont right!? You'll stay no matter what right!? If I go back to Yuki, you and Ayaka can stay here and look after the baby right!? Right!?"

Hiro looked down without answering.

"I get it. You would give up on our dreams just because Ayaka wants you to move to Kyoto"

"Shuichi it's not..."

"Don't," said Shuichi holding out his hand to silence him. "I'm not giving up on Yuki, and I'm not giving up singing. I honestly don't know where this leaves you but I am not going to let this happen. I care for you Hiro, but I love Yuki. We've been through way too much to just throw it away."

"So technically your saying that Yuki is more important to you than me right?"

"Yuki is important but so are you Hiro. I could never put one of you above the other, which is why I chose both Yuki and Bad Luck."

"I guess this is my cue to leave," said Ryuichi.

"I'm coming with you Ryuichi. Looks like I'm going to be needing a place to stay considering Hiro is moving out," said Shuichi angrily.

Hiro listened as Shuichi and Ryuichi left the apartment. Hiro let out a deep sigh.

_I just couldn't do it to him. I wonder how Ayaka will react to this._

_"Shuichi, do you want to colour some more?"_

Shuichi was huddled into the corner of the couch with a far away look on his face.

Ryuichi sat beside him and poked him with Mr. Bear.

"You should stop worrying so much. Worrying only makes things worse. Hiro wont quit Bad Luck you'll see."

Ryuichis childish face suddenly turned serious.

"As long as you continue to sparkle, you will learn true happiness."

Shuichi looked at him wide eyed.

"Ryuichi I...hm." Shuichi smiled.

"So basically, your telling me to believe in Hiro right?"

"Ah ha ha!" Ryuichi tapped Shuichi with Mr. Bear. "Your it!" Shuichi laughed as Ryuichi jumped off the couch and started running around.

Shuichi and Ryuichi were now laying in the living room in their own seperate sleeping bags. Ryuichi was worn out by the game of tag and was already sleeping with Mr. Bear held tightly in his arms. Determination raced within Shuichis eyes.

_I'm going to make this work. Yeah! I'm not going to give up._

All of a sudden Shuichi heard foot steps within the room.

_Who could that be? Ryuichi is asleep. Is it a burglar!?_

Shuichi's forehead beaded with sweat and he kept himself alert.

_Did somebody find out that I was going to be staying at Ryuichis tonight?_

Shuichi listened as the mysterious person stopped next to Ryuichi.

_"_Ryu, get up."

"Mmm...leave me alone! I'm sleeping out here with Shuichi tonight."

"Oh, come on Ryu. Come into the bedroom."

"You had better be quiet before you wake Shuichi up. "

_Wait a second! I recognize that voice. A voice so similar to Yukis. Uh! It's Tatsuha! But wait a minute!? Did Tatsuha and Ryuichi get together without me knowing? When did this happen?_

_"_Oh Ryu. Don't leave me in that scary room all by myself."

Suddenly Shuichi could hear kissing noises coming from the two men. His face lit up a bright crimson colour.

"Ok now. Goodnight Tatsuha."

"Your a cruel man Ryu," said Tatsuha as he left the room.

Shuichi suddenly felt a tingling sensation in his nose.

_Uh oh. I'm gonna sneeze. _

"Achooo!"

Shuichi suddenly held absolutely still, pretending to be asleep. He was pretty sure that Ryuichi didn't want anyone to know about the relationship between him and Tatsuha. The only other person who probably kne was Tohma. Ryuici must have thought that he sneezed in his sleep because he didn't say anything.

Shuichi slowly lifted his eye lid, when suddenly Ryuichi came into view. He was leaning over him to check if he was sleeping.

"Ah!" Shuichi yelled.

"Are you cold Shuichi? Do you need extra blankets?"

_Ryuichi seems to be unaware that I know the relationship between him and Tatsuha._

"No, I'm fine."

"Are you sure? You can't afford to catch cold, being a singer and all."

Shuichi awoke the next morning with new found confidence. Today he was going to confront Yuki. Shuichi sat up in his sleeping bag to the sound of the television. He looked toward the couch to see the back of Tatsuhas head. Shuichi noticed the note sitting next to him.

Shuichi,

I'm sorry I couldn't be there when you woke up. I had to go to the studio on urgent business. Ask Tatsuha to make you breakfast, good luck with Yuki, and see you when you get to the stuido.

Love: Ryu

"Huh. I wonder why Ryuichi had to leave so suddenly."

"Oh. Your awake," said Tatsuha turning from the television to face him.

"Did you read the note? I'm afraid I'm not much of a cook, but we could go out for breakfast if you want."

"Can I make a phone call first?"

"Sure, the phone is in the kitchen," said Tatsuha waving his hand toward the kitchen.

Shuichi dialed Yukis number but he only got voice mail.

_I wonder why I got voice mail. Could Yuki be out?_

**Hiros Apartment**

" I am truly sorry Ayaka. I just couldn't go through with it. I had to tell him."

"Yuki has been in his study a lot. I do not think that he is happy with the arrangement. He just couldn't be happy marrying me. He doesn't love me the same way he loves your friend. I have to go. I'll be in touch."

Ayaka hung up the phone, leaving Hiro to face his predicament alone.

**Yukis Apartment**

Yuki left his study and headed for the kitchen to make coffee but stopped when he noticed the worried expression on Ayakas face. He took a drag off his cigarette.

"What's up?"

Ayaka seemed to be startled.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."

Yuki looked at the television to see that Ayaka had been watching a concert that Bad Luck had performed on hit stage.

"Yuki?"

"Yeah?"

"I want us to get married sooner."

Yukis eyes widened.

"What do you mean?"

"Let us go to Kyoto today. You can live with me and my family and we can raise the baby together."

"Don't you think it is a little soon for that?"

"No. I don't. I also think it would be easier for Shuichi to move on if we just left."

Yuki sighed and crossed the living room to the coffee table where he put his cigarette out in the ash tray.

"If this is what you truly want."

"It isn't me that you should worry about? Are you sure you want to go through with this."

"Yeah."

_I'm sorry. All I want is for you to be happy Shuichi._

**NG Studios**

"What!? You can't be serious!" Shuichi yelled excitedly.

Shuichi stood in the middle of Ryuichi, K, Mr. Sakano, Hiro, Tohma, and Suguru.

"This is gonna be great! Wer'e really going on tour together!?"

_I'm going on tour with nittle grasper! I'm going on tour with my idol!_

Hiro and Shuichi left the studio together.

"Hiro, I think you should come with me to Yukis. We can't solve this issue if we are seperated."

"Yeah, your right."

Shuichi turned to Hiro.

"Do you honestly have the guts to leave Bad Luck, after we just heard that we will be going tour together with Nittle Grasper?"

A small smile crossed Hiros face.

"Why do things have to be so complicated? I love both you and Ayaka with all my heart. I couldn't stand the thought of being apart from either of you. It's not that I want to leave but...Ayaka can't stand the thought of raising our child in my small apartment."

A look of understanding formed itself on Shuichis face.

"Honestly... I get it but...Hiro you just can't go!"

Shuichi suddenly kneeled down.

" I don't know how this problem can ever be resolved. It looks like you have your heart set on going. I'm sure the two of you can do it...raise a baby in your small apartment I mean. It's not like they take up a whole lot of room."

"Even though that may be true, how do you figure I will have time for both the baby and our music?"

Shuichi gasped and looked up at Hiro.

Hiro smiled and held his hand out.

"Come on. Let's just see what happens."

Shuichi took Hiros hand and pulled himself up.

Shuichi laughed a small laugh.

"Your going to be a father huh? That's really great. Congratulations. Hiro, before we get going will you...will you give me one last kiss?"

Hiro smiled.

"Of course."

Their lips met in an emotional clash as their tears washed each others faces, neither of them noticing the astonished face in the window behind them.


	18. Wedding Crashed

**Author Note:** This is indeed the final chapter and I think you will be happy with the outcome. Thank you for all of your reviews and supporting me. Stay tuned for more gravitation fics and I have also started at Yu Yu Hakusho fic for those who like it and it is also yaoi. Thank you again and enjoy the final chapter of Forgotten Past.

Chapter 18: Wedding Crashed

Hiro held a reassuring hand on Shuichis shoulder. He could feel that he was tense and uncomfortable so he knew that he had to stay strong for him even though his heart was dealing with its fair share of emotional struggles. They waited for the door to be answered but after a long patient wait, Yuki didn't open in fact the whole apartment seemed eerily dark and quiet.

"I guess Yuki really did go out tonight,"said Shuichi.

"No,"said Hiro. "This is Ayakas doing. I'm willing to bet that they are headed to Kyoto to get married."

"Married!? Didn't you tell Ayaka that the plan was off."

"Yeah, well it seems she isn't ready to give up the fight."

"But Yuki wouldn't really go through with it, would he?"

"I don't know, would he?" Hiro asked.

"If he thought it was best for me, he would," said Shuichi biting his bottom lip in hurt.

"Then, wer'e just going to have to go to Kyoto and stop that wedding aren't we?" Said Hiro.

"R...really Hiro, you mean it?"

"Of course," said Hiro with a smile.

Shuichi sensed a pang of guilt at the thought of wanting his Yuki back meanwhile he knew Hiros true feelings, but he couldn't deny himself the one person he truly loved with all his heart and soul.

"Let's do it," said Shuichi pumping his fist in front of him with new found strength and confidence.

The wind swept Hiros hair into Shuichis face as they sped toward Kyoto on the motobike.

_Please make it on time._

Hiro couldn't help but think that he and Shuichi could have been making love right now if he hadn't opened his mouth. But he knew that it wouldn't, in fact it would be completely wrong to take advantage of him like that but Hiro couldn't deny that he had felt a fire raging within him at Shuichis touch... he had even cried out in pleasure. Hiro almost regretted saying anything. How he longed to bed the lovely Shuichi.

Suddenly, out of the middle of no where a car came into the road and cut them off.

"Hold on!" Hiro yelled.

The bike turned and did a sideways skid toward the car and it stopped just missing the bumper of the car. Immediately they recognized the car as Tohmas.

Yuki and Ayaka sat in her familys home, in their cermonial robes. Yuki couldn't help but notice the umcomfortable look in Ayakas eyes.

"If I didn't know any better, I would say that you are in one hell of a hurry to get married. Are you even sure you want to go through with this?" Yuki shifted uncomfortably.

Ayaka shot him a quick glance from the corner of her eyes than shifted her gaze to the floor.

_Does he know? Is he suspicious of the fact that I am aware of the plans failure... is he aware? It doesn't matter, I have made up my mind. Even though is started off as a plan, it has become everything I have hoped for and I refuse to throw it away for him._

Hiro and Shuichi sat glued to the motorcycle, thier hearts still racing wildly.

The watched as Tohma emerged from the car. The headlights illuminated his facial expression, and it was that of someone who had just accomplished something huge in their life.

Shuichi couldn't help but feel the sudden wave of anger that washed over him.

"What the hell!?" He yelled jumping off the bike and chucking his helmet. "You could have got us killed, aren't you going to apologize."

"I apologize," he said almost too easily taking a slight apologetic bow.

" I came to stop you none the less. I do not think you should get involved with Yukis decision to marry Ayaka, when you yourself haven't sorted out your own feelings between each other. I wont allow you to hurt Yuki in any way."

Shuichi couldn't control his sudden anger with his boss.

"What are you getting at?" Yuki spat through clenched teeth.

"Oh please, don't think I didn't see the two of you kissing. You should really be more careful to cover up your private affairs unless you want another scandal reaching the media."

"It's none of your business," stated Hiro plainly.

"Shuichi loves Yuki and not me. I've realized that no matter how I may feel, I simply can't replace this strong character whom Shuichi has attached himself so...if you don't mind would you move your car?"

Tohma looked thoughtful for a moment.

"Will you be leaving Bad Luck then?" Tohma asked shooting a glare at Hiro.

Hiro became speechless as he didn't have an answer for that question.

A smile spread itself on Tohmas face. "Ok gentlemen. I just came to tell you what I thought of the situation, I trust you will do what is best."

With that Tohma got in the car and sped off, hiding behind an expression of anger and hurt.

_How far would he possibly go for him. The level of determination this boy had by far surpassed hiw own._

_"_Ok...that was just weird," said Hiro.

"Ah shit man! We have to get going."

"Uh...yeah," said Shuichi distantly as he took his place on the back of the bike.

"You ok man?"

"Yeah."

With that, the engine of the bike roared and sped off into the night.

The ceremony was interupted by a loud roar over the wind, which Yuki immediately recognized as Hiros bike.

"Hm So my suspicions were correct. Shuichi knows of the plan," said Yuki quietly to himself.

"That little brat." Yuki concealed a smile that was tugging on the corners of his mouth.

Ayaka couldn't cover up the uneasy feeling that settled on her. She to recognized the sound of her lovers bik fast approaching but on top of all that she could hear Shuichis loud voice yelling at the top of his lungs...

"Yuuuuuuuuuuukkkkkkiiiiiiiiiii!"

Suddenly the bike appeared in mid air and landed in the middle of the ceremony, leaving Ayaka shocked and Yuki trying to hide his beautiful smile.

Yuki had been expecting Shuichi to do something like this especially since he had the feeling that Hiro wouldn't be able to keep up the charade. In a way he was grateful for that because he really had no intention of marrying Ayaka... the woman who was with child...Hiros child at that.

No sooner had the bike stopped, Shuichi was standing in front oh him at a loss for words.

"I take it you didn't prepare a speech for me," said Yuki ruffling the boys hair playfully.

"Yuki, you aren't really going to get married are you? I know all about what you did for me and I'm grateful but... I can't stand the thought of losing you. It honestly wouldn't make me happy like you thought."

_I was actually kinda hoping you would say something like that. It makes me feel like I matter._

_"_W...what are you town do doing here?" Ayaka asked.

"Don't tell me that you forgot that I told you the deal was off because I couldn't keep it from Shuichi or did you intend on purpously hurting his feelings?" Hiro asked.

Ayaka suddenly looked hurt.

"S...sorry," she replied.

An awkward silence pursued and then was pierced by Yukis laughter.

"It seems my judgement was wrong. I guess I couldn't possibly expect to make Shuichi happy with a plan like that."

Hiro walked to Ayaka and took her hand.

"We were doing ok weren't we? We love each other right? I know you love Yuki more but we could get by right?"

Suddenly Ayakas eyes filled with tears. They were tears of happiness.

"Oh Hiro, how I've longed to hear those words from you. Ayaka wrapped her arms around his neck and rested her head on his shoulder. Everyone was oblivious to the distant look in his eyes and the name he mouthed on his lips wasn't Ayakas.

That night Shuichi rested with his head on Yukis content lap.

"Thank you for everything you have done Yuki. You have truly made me so happy. Hiro and Ayaka are going to stay in his apartment so he doesn't have to give up his music and... I have you. That is all I could ever ask for.

"You really are a simple boy aren't you? But I guess that's what I like about you the most. Your too easy to please. You know... the sexual tension has been driving me crazy lately, how about you?"

Having been thinking the same thing, Shuichi allowed Yuki to draw Shuichi up into his lap and their lips met. Shuichi had seriously missed the taste of old cigarettes on Yukis sensual lips and eagerly licked at them, letting a small moan escape his throat as he bucked his hips against Yukis.

Yuki chuckled lightly and lifted Shuichis shirt off at the same time mapping Shuichis mouth with his tongue.

"Ng! Yuki..." Shuichi cried out as Yukis hands groped at his length beneath his pants.

Yuki allowed their mouths to part as Shuichi began working on his shirt while he worked on Shuichis pants. Shuichi bucked against his hand as Yuki slid his pants off. Shuichi threw Yukis shirt over the back of the couch and forced a delighted moan out of Yuki by nibbling on his ear lobe.

They were both naked now. Yuki situated it so that he hovered over Shuichis trembling body. Shuichi could feel the heat coming off Yuki as he leaned down and sucked at Shu's nipple. A loud breath escaped Shuichi as the familiar tingling sensation raced through his entire being.

"Mmmm Shuichi," murmured Yuki against his other nipple.

Before Shuichi could cry out again, Yuki silenced him by pressing his lips needily against the younger boys lips. Yuki grabbed Shuichis length again and this time squeezed him harder while he pumped his hand wildly.

"Ah! Y..yuki! Oh god!"

Shuichis outbursts made Yuki crave him more so he took the whole length of him into his mouth.

He knew Shuichi was getting close but he wasn't going to let him cum...not yet.

Yuki put Shuichis legs around his shoulders and entered him with one finger.

Shuichi grabbed at the leather of the couch while his other hand clawed at Yukis back. His back arched so he make Yukis finger brush his prostate... but it wasn't enough.

"Come on Yuki! Fuck me please!"

Yuki just chuckled and started using two fingers.

"I have to prepare you for it first remember."

Yuki removed his fingers and pressed his length against Shuichis behind.

Shuichi bucked against it but Yuki wasn't going to enter... not yet. He was having to much fun watching the younger boy writhe needily beneath him.

Yuki entered 3 fingers now, while he licked the outer edge of the hole.

"Ng! Oh god Yuki! Do me!" Begged Shuichi.

"Shuichi," moaned Yuki entering his length fully into him."

Shuichi gripped the couch harder and cried out in complete ecstasy.

Soon, they were moving in rythm with each other, Yukis lenght crashing into Shuichis prostate causeing them to both cry out at the same time. They were both in complete bliss.

Shuichi now knew that the past was definately going to be forgotten and that he and Yuki would be entering the future together.


End file.
